I have a burning question for you. Way, way back in my early sitch I asked about the 5LL book and you suggested that I show W the KLA tapes. I plan to buy the KLA tapes for myself and see what new things I can learn about.
Question: During the separation from your H and his involvement with the OW, would there have been some impact if you had shown H the KLA tapes while he was into the OW? Would that have shortened your separation and faciliated the reconcilation process faster? Or would that have possibly pushed H further away from the M?
I am in my own world mulling over my DBing steps. I have made some slow, but positive strides with W. I see that I am in danger of rambling on here, so I'll stop right now!
I have a burning question for you. Way, way back in my early sitch I asked about the 5LL book and you suggested that I show W the KLA tapes. I plan to buy the KLA tapes for myself and see what new things I can learn about.
Did I really suggest that?
Quote: Question: During the separation from your H and his involvement with the OW, would there have been some impact if you had shown H the KLA tapes while he was into the OW? Would that have shortened your separation and faciliated the reconcilation process faster? Or would that have possibly pushed H further away from the M?
My h and I were never separated. His involvement with ow occurred while he was living with me. But, to your question, my h would have been pushed much further away if I had brought up the KLA tapes to him, or any "help" book for that matter.
Even now, I don't think he'd be thrilled if I brought home a book or tape for us to share. I have mentioned the LL's to him a few times (in casual conversation) and some thoughts on M&V as well. Also, this weekend he made some reference to filling up my "love bank account" so I told him a bit about the "love tank" theory as well (is it Harley? Can't remember)....but a pointed "here, this will help us" statement would not go over well.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I must say I don't bother to post much anymore 'cause it seems I don't have much to add or don't want to allow myself to be dragged back into this world of suffering...I'm pretty much limitted to the occassional fly by post when something strikes me..doesn't mean I'm not peeking in on my old buddies now and then.
I've noticed that on your past few threads you've gone the extra length to quote posts from others that you found particularly helpful and I've been very honored to be among that group.
You may not realize it but reading that my words/thoughts have been helpful has lifted my spirits. Not that my spirits were down mind you...just knowing that my 5000 some odd posts weren't all garble-di-gook is pretty
The time and effort you put into your threads is valuable to us all
I have to admit I got a little rush when I saw that you had posted on my thread! Is that weird? Yah, probably, but no matter!
One of the things that I've enjoyed about my "trip down memory lane" is rereading all of the great advice and support I have received here. It's been amazing to revisit with "old friends" and see how/when folks showed up and posted and rallied and reached out. You have been an amazing and integral part of that! Think of how many times your words are going to get read and reread
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Just a quickie 'cause I'm heading off soon. I haven't posted much this week...partly because I was off for a few days and partly because I've been feeling out of sorts. Not related to h or home...but just really irritable and down and quick to get Figured that was best left ALONE!
Things at home have been good despite all my -ness. h has also been under a bunch of pressure at school plus not feeling great (his back is bothering him) but we've managed to do really well despite all of that!
The weekend looks good...homework + hanging out + the law review banquet + relaxation.
I'm off Monday 'cause mom is having a cataract taken out and I'm the designated driver. I'll try to check in over the weekend!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
thanks for the visits! Things with mom went very well -- the operation AND the interaction! She did great and we had a fairly lowkey time visiting with one another.
The weekend was pretty good...Friday we went to see a late movie; saturday we went to h's law review banquet. He heard some disquieting news at it (about some conduct of some of the current and future members of the editorial staff) so that kind of rocked the rest of his weekend. He did turn to me for support and listening quite a bit over the weekend so that made me feel very good.
Sunday we had a relaxing day. Went to see "Sideways" for the second time...it was a good antidote to the stress he was feeling. Yesterday, hung with Mom, then relaxed with h.
I'm back at work today which is blah.
Truth be told, I'm feeling really vulnerable and fearful right now. I'm not sure the exact root cause...maybe time spent with mom and dad over the last weeks (that's always good for some soul searching sadness), maybe the stress h is under, maybe work, maybe school, some $$ concerns.....I don't know...I've been finding myself closing up inside and distancing myself from h quite a bit...it happened briefly friday night and then very much again last night...for some reason my "defenses" are on high alert.
Last night I had a whopper of an anxiety dream (or streams of them)...I missed a class at school, had messed something up royally for work, and had decided to leave my h for a guy here at work who had gotten me pregnant...h didn't seem to mind since he had a girlfriend anyway...the only thing that was missing was "losing teeth" and "a sense of falling"
Anyway...just muddling along. I'm lucky that h seems to be able to be present with me even when I don't entirely feel like myself.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Had a really, really nice night last night -- it was relaxing and calming.
This winter has been awful and yesterday we got yet another snow storm with really cold temps and howling winds. My drive home was awful! When I got there, I suggested to h that we go lay down for a bit (that's all! really! though I'd definitely be up for that too!). Anyway, we just relaxed on the bed for about 30 minutes talking. when I first got home he seemed quiet and down (and I know that I was stressed!) but just hanging out together and relaxing and talking really seemed to help. He said "things always seem better after I can talk with you about them."
We made dinner together which was also relaxing. Nothing fancy at all! just some leftovers thrown into scrambled eggs. We also cracked open the new electric grill/griddle I bought and he made some steak tips. Hardly any effort at all but fun to hang out together.
We watched a bit of tv then went to bed.
I was feeling sad and vulnerable yesterday so instead of closing him out, I tried to reach out a bit. Luckily, he responded so positively that it was a great success.
I'm going out to dinner tonight with a friend. Promised h some leftovers.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Figured that was best left ALONE!
-ness. h has also been under a bunch of pressure at school plus not feeling great (his back is bothering him) but we've managed to do really well despite all of that! 
though I'd definitely be up for that too!). Anyway, we just relaxed on the bed for about 30 minutes talking. when I first got home he seemed quiet and down (and I know that I was stressed!) but just hanging out together and relaxing and talking really seemed to help. He said "things always seem better after I can talk with you about them." 