HP & CM, thanks so much for responding! First, HP, girl you are right on the money (pardon the pun). My H loves to worry and I just don't/can't allow myself to think like that. But, it's like he tries to get me to stress - almost like it justifies HIM being stressed then. So I can totally relate to the whipping post theory. I have, thanks so this BB, tried to start telling him "honey do you realize that what you just said might be construed as hurtful or condemning", and by the look on his face as well as what he says is, "no, I honestly didn't mean it that way", but if I was just an average joe-smoe I'd be close to punching him sometimes with the tone he takes (okay not punching, maybe hitting him with my SAHM frying pan - hee/he! )
I used to do the bills, but, to try to get him to relieve some of his anxiety about finances I agreed to let him take over the actual paying of them - WRONG DISICION - however, now he is unable to let go - it was like I almost FED his problem with it. (we live and learn I guess) We do have a budget so to speak. Which was kind of foregone while I worked that I sure we will decide to pick up again next week. We use a cash in the envelope type of arrangement, that pays for groceries, kids doctor bills, gas etc. That ensures no impulse purchases that can't be afforded for both of us. The extra $ was nice for this 3 mos., but I'm fine with going back to that lifestyle BUT, I think that this will only fuel his need to excessively go on and on about it - its' almost like he has nothing else to talk about.
A good friend of mine has brought up a very important fact. H has a very stressful job and maybe that's how he deals with it. So I am currently trying to decide how to approach him with this to help him with this. I mean, really, it's not healthy.
Let me also add more detail about the MIL/his husband duties because, right now it is an issue with me that I can't seem to solve with him. Example. The other night S5 is sick, throwing up, I was up with him before H got home from work. And continued to be up with him until 4:00 a.m., (take into consideration I get up at 5:00 to go to work). thus, was up with him long after H WENT TO BED. (okay, I'm thinking this is not right because afterall he gets to sleep in right, but I digress). Before he goes to bed I ask "do you want me to go in late tomorrow or do you think you can handle this" (D1.5 also had an ear infection, thus providing the need for extra attention also). He says "no, I can handle it". I reiterated I would, and that both kids were sick and he said no, he can handle it. Here is where I get a little perturbed. I speak with Granny (his mom) at 9:00 a.m .who is at my house (as usual) and letting Scott sleep because S5 was sick (yes, I am aware of this IIIIIII was the one up with him). Of course I just inquire about S5 and let it go. Again at 10:30 I speak with son and H is still sleeping. Okay, someone please call me out on the carpet on this one - but I think this is complete shirking of parental duties. The guy has 2 sick kids and relies on me and his mom to take care of it. Come on. When I did speak with him about it, he went on and on about how he was tired, had taken some medication for his back and it knocked him out - sorry, I don't care, but I do not tell him this. It isn't until he started griping about what his mother fed our children for breakfast that I take the opportunity to point out, if he had gotten up and taken care of them himself then it woudlnt' be an issue. He had to quickly get off the phone surprisingly.
I could go on and on but it's just relaying my bad attitude and also maybe pointing out that one of the reasons I am so worried about next week is we have a real issue with my self-value and what I perceive he thinks my value is.
CeMar, I do totally understand what you are saying about mom's who work and the cost of same, I think I saw the same report - very good point. I also take into consideration that these are good years for parents/kids to bond. I mean in a few years they are even going to CARE if I'm around much less want it right?
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