How much of a say do you have in your financial planning? Do you have a budget?
And do you stick to that budget, no matter what?
I can relate to having a worrywart pennypincher for a husband. Really, though, it's more than that. He wants to unload his worries onto me. When he is venting, it is his way of releasing all the pressure that he feels in being the sole provider for our family. (and SOUL provider for me, to quote a cheesy Michael Bolton song, LOLOL) This would be fine, except that his venting just infects me with worry and anxiety and I don't want it.
We have jointly created a budget. I stick to it, without fail. Money is tight but we are far from being poor. We have a 15 year mortgage and keep small loans on our car, so things like that make money tighter than the average family, etc.
So nowadays when he wants to vent his financial woes, I listen with an "action oriented" ear and if he is not wanting to talk about what to do, I simply tell him that I can't talk about it right then. I will not allow him to use me as a stress release, any more than he'd allow me to use HIM as a sexual stress release. It is going to be him and I, tackling things together..working through things together..not one of us using the other as a whipping post.
That is not to say that I won't be there to just let him talk..or air his worries, of course I will. But there is a difference between that and him yelling and ranting about it. I will not participate in that. He still tries to do this from time to time, but I don't participate and believe it or not, he has stopped.
Now if he is feeling stressed over money, I am able to redirect the conversation towards something productive because he knows I won't participate otherwise. Also, I have had to sorta "coach" him on how to vent his worries in an acceptable way, kwim? He needs to get it out, but as NOPkins pointed out, he's a dude and therefore not the best with getting in touch with his feelings. If I can lead him there and show him (with my example, NOT by telling him "this is how you do it, ya idiot"). Oftentimes I have to say "are you worried about this?" or "What can I do about this to help out?"..things like that make him feel that we are on the same side and that I am not responsible for the temporary hard times.
I'm not sure if this is what you were getting at, but it has worked for me. I just calmly say that I'm not discussing anything in which I am going to get yelled at, but that I'm more than willing to talk about the situation. And then I stick to that and walk if he starts getting angry with me.
So what are some goals you can set, with respect to the finances and the upcoming change of job?
