Do I want to know?

[heatherg]

I hear ya my friend. It is pretty difficult to see where anyone is winning in a situation like this. Try to take some comfort in the idea that whenever one door closes, another opens both for yourself and your girls. NY has said that his first divorce allowed him to move on to find the great love of his life. My point in mentioning a no-win situation was just to suggest that you refrain from making statements to WAW that contain circular logic b/c it will only validate any negative feelings she has toward you. Even if you are no longer interested in having a M with her, it is never too late to mend the R with her to make things more comfortable and secure for the girls.
Keep both feet on the ground and your sights set on your goals.

Unless one of us abuses alcohol, drugs, the spouse or the children and refuses to reform, then the effects of divorce on the children are life lasting. Remeber MWD's "Hole in the heart story"?

I do not dispute that the effects are life-lasting. But the effects don't have to be life-impairing. Your girls can still grow up happy, healthy and secure. I'm not trying to sugar coat it, I'm really not. But even MWD said that her parents' divorce shaped her views and her career path so there are some positives too.

Selfishly I ask, just what is my motivation to work together here when WAW won't work on the R/M and threatens me w/family court when I don't agree to a plan that she has already gotten buy-in from the girls w/o consulting me?

What do you think is best? Outside of being a family, which WAW is saying is not a possibility right now, what arrangement is second best to you?

Selfishly I say, the word fair should NEVER be used when talking about this b/c there is NOTHING fair about this, to the girls, to WAW's family, to OM's family, to our friends that know about this and to me.

I agree. I'm sorry you're going through this.