I've been dark for quite a while so here's an update on my sitch:
WAW & OM went away in July to "celebrate" their 1-yr anniversary. I called W and asked her if she was going to tell D13 & D15 about her vaca and she asked if I was trying to blackmail her. I said no, I just want them to know the truth about what is going on. She told the girls. The vaca caused hard feelings between W&I and W's dad&I, but he's a cheese-less tunnel. Every so often I forget that, but the time periods between my forgetfulness are getting longer.
I went dark for 6 weeks. Only communicating via email about the girls. This was more for me to help me detach than to make her miss me or want me. I feel more detached and better for it. Her seperation from me is her loss.
Last week there were two curious events.
Since the girls live w/me, W usually drops them off and leaves w/o coming into the house. I was out until 8:30 one night W had the girls. I came home to find WAW inside talking w/D13. I was surprised and cheerfully asked "Hi, what's up?" WAW said, "Nothing, I was just spending some time w/D13". I said, "Oh OK", and continue unloading my car. I see WAW leaving and cheerfully say, "good night". She kind of mumbles a "So long". This is actually a change for the good. In the past she stated that she was purposfully rude to me so that I didn't confuse any niceness to her wanting to come back.
When I dropped the girls off w/WAW (at a "neutral" site), D15 said she needed a phone number and to call her when I got home. When I got home, I called WAW's apt, but there was no answer. I called WAW's cell and she answered. I asked "Is D15 there?" and WAW said, "No, she's not here". I said "What? Where is she?" confused not not angry. WAW said, "We're still in the car, she's right here." We both laughed and I wondered.
This week two more "good" things happened.
Since school has now started, we've been "together" 2 nights in row. During parent night @ school, it was a bit awkward at first, but I was friendly and tried to be relaxed and funny. By the end of the two hours, we were glancing at each other and smiling at things teachers said that only we would find amusing.
The next night at the girls' band show, I mentioned that I got an email from our college alma mater and that they were having a reunion at a football game, she asked when. This struck me as odd, because she doesn't like football. I told her that I didn't remember and that I would let her know.
When I talked to a DB coach, she told me to put the onus of doing things together on WAW and I haven't mentioned anything about R or us or M since who knows when. I'm thinking that I will email the college reunion info to her and later ask if she got it. I'll just let it at that, I won't ask if she wants to go.
One of the things about DBing is to act & monitor. The odd thing is that when ever I email WAW and ask questions about me (act), and some have had to do w/R & M, she always responds and I learn something about her feelings and thoughts (monitor). I don't do this often, every other month or so. I'm somewhat of a "literalist", so I want to ask what are your feelings on the DB rule of "No R talk". Does it mean never and to stay far, far away from it, or does it mean in the context of begging and pleading?
Another thought/question. I know of several "marriage intensive weekends" for couples in crisis. Each says that it is common to have one spouse who has decided to end the marriage still go to one of these weekends. I have the feeling that "timing is everything" in asking WAW to go to one of these weekends. I'm not looking at this as panacea, more like a "class" to teach us methods to see if we can be together again. Has anyone done this? How did you approach WAS? Was WAS involved w/OP at the time?
