Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
Quote: I believe that most affairs start out innocently enough. Talking, sharing thoughts or ideas and then progresses. But the person denies that it is progressing into anything wrong and by the time they realize they are definitely doing something wrong, it is too late b/c emotional bonds have formed. This wasn't true for me, but it seems to be true for many others, perhaps your W included
I think this is how the A started. WAW shared her unhappiness in our M w/OM and grew into an EA, then PA.
Quote: If my H would focus more on his feelings and how what I did made him feel, things would be much better between us than they are now
Do you want H to share his feelings w/you?
At one point I asked WAW to help me get some closure on us. I shared my hurt and wanted to know what went wrong. Initially she said that helping me get closure wasn't her job. Later she cited apathy in our marriage, then clarified that perhaps it was just she who was apathetic. She just seems hell bent on not giving me a ounce of info about what went wrong. The message seems to be its over b/c WAW said so and everyone else just has to accept it.
Quote: What I meant when I said that a cheater's worst enemy is their own mind is this: I already know what I've done is wrong. I already feel guilt.
I don't get the impression that WAW thinks what she is doing is wrong. She wrote "this is about me and my happiness". I've never heard anything to express feelings of guilt or sorrow. I'm not sure if her admitted rude attitude toward me is driven by guilt or if she was truthful when she said that she is rude to me so that I don't get any false impression that she is coming back.
Quote: I don't know if your W craves from you what I crave from my H
May I be so bold as to ask what you crave from your H?
Before last summer I tried to guess WAW's Love Language(s), she would not tell me. Looking back at our early R, before kids, and at the A, I'm pretty sure I guessed wrong and I'm pretty sure I know now that it is Quality Time, but since we are physically separated and she avoids seeing me like I have the plague, I doubt she is craving that from me. I think that if I mention forgiveness she will reply that I have a self-rightous attitude. I feel stuck b/t a rock and a hard place.
Quote: the best advice I can offer you is: Stop namecalling Stop judging
Yes, I do have stong feelings about the A, but I've never called her names but I have judged her. I've done a lot of reading and I think that I know the underlying reason for the A and the underlying message of the A. There is more to it than just me. More to it than just her&I, but I don't know how to address that w/o a neuclear reaction.
I read a book called "Undressing Infidelity - Why more wives are unfaithful." The author interviewed wives who had affairs and presented each story. The author's assesment as to why wives have affairs was that affairs are a form of escapism whether it be from the perceived monotony of the M or running from problems. I'm guessing that WAW felt some of both.
