Today marks 6 months officially DB'ing and 5 months in the LRT. I know that the LRT is just supposed to slow down the negative inertia in our relationship and to a point, it has done that, but now I feel stuck at that point. There has been no action on the D papers, but WAW has shown no interest in me, my 180's, etc. I feel stuck at the bottom of the curve.
This past week, I just figured out that WAW & OM are basically living together. OM's mom & I are friends and she told me that he has moved to the same apt complex where WAW lives. Last week D15 was sick. I called WAW at 6:06AM to tell her and there was no answer. Called again at 6:25 still no answer. Called cell phone, she answered and I swear I heard a spoon hitting a cereal bowl, claimed she in the car on the way to work.
Tonight is D13's awards dinner. This will be the second school function dinner w/D&WAW in a week. Last Fri I perceived WAW as distant, uncomfortable, wishing she wasn't there. I "acted as if", focusing on D15's fun and friends. Tonight will be *MOST* difficult.
I am *so* frustrated, I want to kick OM in the pants (both in the back and the front). I want to have WAW CAT scanned to see which part of her mind is diseased so we can "fix" it. (Yeah, I know, I's feeling sorry for myself, giving power to WAW & OM, etc., but I gotta get it off my chest!)
DB'ing & LRT have changed me, but is not changing our sitch. It may have worked for the woman on the KLA tape, but after 5 months, it's just enabling WAW's lifestyle and made me a single parent. I love being a parent but, I WANNA BE A HUSBAND TOO! AAUUGGHH, I hate this! Ironically, I feel like LRT has become a cheeseless tunnel.
Need some help w/my PMA before dinner tonight!
Ok, I've got my mind back now (I think). I just had an idea for a 180. WAW said that she felt there was apathy in our marriage. I'm not perfect, but that is projection. I was the one reading books wanting to go to counseling, but she didn't. Dispelling the apathy myth will be difficult w/o pursuing. She was working on a special project at work, I'll ask about the project tonight to show interest in her w/o talking about us.
