Yesterday I received an email saying that she was uncomfortable at the art show with the D's & I. She felt the the D's felt the same way and that in the future the 4 of us shouldn't be together.

I interpreted it as her projecting her feelings onto the D's

I think so too. Or she's just jostling for clout.

Going dark has become easy, but doesn't seem to move us forward... Knowing that she said apathy played a major role in our marriage, going dark could be percieved as "more of the same". I feel like I need to walk that thread of a line between dark and pursuit... I just am stymied as to how to keep the communication going.

Maybe more like dark, gray and light, rather than pursuit?

I had suggested going dark to give you guys a time out of sorts.

Back in March, I had confirmation that my WAW did not want me to go dark on her, so I thought if I did, she might pursue. Now, obviously, my purpose in going dark back then is not the same as why I suggested it to you, however, maybe my results of having gone dark may be useful to share with you.

I had also wondered if my going dark would be construed as "more of the same", in that I took her for granted in the last couple of years of our marriage.

When I resurfaced, her response was relief. She had thought I didn't want to hear from her anymore. That was far away from the message I was trying to send.

It confirmed for me that my observation about one of her love languages being "quality time" was going to be in opposition to my being dark, and isn't that exactly how she interpreted it in a sense? "You don't want to hear from me" being the message she got from my being dark, it being kind of an antithesis to "quality time".

So I decided to reverse course and step up contact.

All the same, that one month period where I went dark and she felt I didn't want to hear from her MAY have made her reflect on that she wants to hear from me. Maybe.

So, yes, we play all this by ear, judging our approach by results. Going dark is NOT an absolute, it needs personal modification and monitoring.