I agree that going to the OM mom may not be the thing to do. She will report back to him and then he can say "See? Your h is trying to make trouble, whats the deal with going to my family" However, I DO understand why you did it. You want EVERYONE possible to know what this guy helped do your R, right? In most cases just backing off and let them go about their R can help you more in the long run. Did you say you were D already? Well, the lesson I had to learn as well, is that it is none of my business any more. Nothing says I don't want you and stay the heck out of my life like a divorce decree. And while I still seem to CRAVE info on my xH, especially if its bad news about him and OW, that doesn't get me any closer to my goal- happiness, success, and a healthy loving realtionship . Plus , cause my XH KNOWS I still love him, and would love to have our M back again, he kinds "checks" once in a while when we do see each other by lookimg forlorn and wanting to hug or kiss me. I also get little bits of info about what he is doing. Very little bits. Example: he went to bike week, got a traffice ticket going to a famous hot spot. I laughed about the ticket and his taking traffic school. I never asked if he had a good time at the place cause I don't want to know-he went with her, it was something we were planning to go do, she got to go instead. Why torture myself? I deal enough with comparisons of OW and myself, and her life with my XH! Its something I am trying to stop. I also agree with NY if you can stop contact altogether, she may find a reason to contact YOU!
Ok, a question for NY: You stated that circumstances change, and there may be possibity of contact going forward.Good. I am still working on my changes. How will he ever know anything if I don't see him. The only way I think it'll be is through his Mom or his sister (I stay in contact with them both, they are really great to me, and seem to be pushing me to pass that realtors exam, it seems that they are wanting to be able to tell h this info when it happens...- Ow has been talked up by H as to how smart and good with numbers she is, blah blah blah, yet MIl and SIL seem to think she is no smarter or wiser than the average OW ) H was pretty much used to me being in a good mood, and I have been successful in presenting excellent PMA (one backslide- i made a comment that he could stay in touch if he wanted, but may not be allowed.He changed the subject really fast, asking me about my car!) A while back you suggested that after a reasonable amount of time to contact him just to say hi and see about maybe catching up at lunch. Does this still apply if i know he is living with her? I don't want to be percieved as that x=wife that just can't let go. Little bit of bent pride there too, why go after someone who obviously doesn't want to be with me? Yet the little signals say I am testing to see if you want me. Do you agree with what my Mom said about cutting off all contact- period? I may have to contact for that tax check, but thats all. I am tempted so many times to just send and e-mail, jokes, or pics, or text him to say hi, but I haven't. I'd also love to do it when i KNOW he is with her to let her see what it feels like , but I know thats just woman scorned behavior. How do YOU do it? I know you are excellent at not thinking of OM and her, and you hardly see her as well.How do you resist the temptation? I have 30 years with him, its kinda hard to just turn it off, especially if I feel that there may be one drop of a R left or hope for a future R.
) 
