Jabez, you know I'm at odds with your plan, and I feel your course of action and associated focus is contributing to your anger. I don't know why you contacted the OM's mom, all it did was contribute a bleak picture for you. Additionally, it will get back to the OM and your WAW, and they likely will feel you're invading and snooping by having contacted her.
To lift out of your anger, you need to stop the focus on the OM. You're concentrating on a symptom rather than the disease.
I am frustrated that I can't talk to W about this and tell her what I've learned.
Words won't do it, anyway. Action is what counts. Consistent action showing those changes over the course of time. No contact with the WAS does not mean the changes will go unnoticed forever. Circumstances change, and there likely could be possibilities for contact going forward. During those encounters, it will be imperative that you display a PMA and that your changed behaviors have become second nature to you. Then, following those contacts, she will have the "new you" to reflect on.
I'll give you a scenario to ponder on. Right now, because of your talking to the OM's mom, she likely has a negative reaction to your having done so, if she's a typical WAS. The OM is probably adding to that by also dissing you. And as sweet as his mom may have seemed to be, you don't know if she's also painting a negative picture of you to them, as blood is thicker than water. So, if that's the case, that's what your WAS will be thinking of you as you move along in time. That does not work towards your goal of demonstrating changes. She is thinking that you haven't changed. But by eliminating that type of behavior, the checking up on the OM type of behavior, THAT change will likely be noticed, conspicuous by its absence.
