Do I want to know?

[sage]

Yes, I know that my *REAL PROBLEM* is with my relationship with my W, but we can't address that problem until she wants to.

You've read DB or DR, right? The notion that it "takes one to tango" is true. You can make many, many changes in your "relationship" with W regardless of whether or not she's willing to commit to "yes, I want to work on this M". DB'ing won't just keep her from moving farther away. It can, in fact, draw her closer to you and address many of the issues in your M w/o her "agreement".

NYSurvivor's post to you is filled with excellent DB'ing advice and examples.

Sage