You're putting your energy into the wrong direction, I'll tell you why. There were a couple of things about you that she felt she didn't like and when she sought a cure for it, she "found" it in having an affair with the OM. So if you were a musician, he's a banker. If you're a banker, he's a musician. If you weren't attentive, he's attentive. If you were attentive but always domineering, he may be less attentive than you, but not domineering. You see where I'm going with this? The OM just fills a need, knowing who he is doesn't solve your problems, and will just make you look like you're spying or stalking on them and will also just keep your anger burning about him. Your focus at him as the enemy will also serve to bond your WAW and the OM together closer as they join ranks against the one person who's against their mutual happiness, namely, you.
He's not competition. I thought I was up against someone more accomplished, smoother and obviously with more pull over her heartstrings than me. But as time goes on, I'm convinced he's got pimples on his ass, he probably annoys her from time to time, she has dreams about me like I do about her, she's not sure how stuff will work out with him, but damn she's gonna try, he doesn't pay for her way like I did so she's got it a bit worse with him and he won't commit to her, so she's not asking for a commitment lest he run away, but I ask you: These two ran off together pledging their undying love to each other forever, and if she's the true love of his life that he's been waiting for all his life... he won't commit to her? You know what I'm saying? The OM is just a guy with flaws like everyone else, there's nothing special about knowing him.
Your real problem is not him, your real problem is about your relationship with her that she felt was bad enough to go outside of. That's where you need to put your energy.
