I hear ya. I confronted my W with all evidence I had gathered for a week. Same sort of reaction, she couldn't believe I had spied on her which I actually did feel bad about. I just wish there had been no reason to spy. I also wasn't calm at the time and of course it sure didn't help me any. She hasn't brought it up again since that night and I did tell her I didn't need to snoop anymore.
If it were me, I would want to know who the OM is especially if you know him. Just be very careful with how you proceed once you find out.
