Me and H started dating because we always were in love and I knew he never really wanted a D which helped.
When we split up there had been no fighting prior or anything, just stress from running 2 businesses (so I thought). He didn't want MC or anything, just said 'I'm going' and that's that, so I think in that respect he left the M too soon without trying so maybe that is why I am in this situation.
We also got together young (I was 16, he was 19) and we'd been friends growing up in the same village for 6 years before that. He used to pull my hair as a child. I think the life-long history between us makes a D seem insignificant.
Plus he kept changing his mind about whether or not he wanted a D these past 3 years (and he insisted I file, he wouldn't file, so technically I had to D him despite him leaving me).
He maintained a sexual R and a tentative friendship for 2 years out of these 3. There was 1 (very painful) year where we were in the throes of a custody dispute and he had a several month fling with an OW, so I guess that year was the most painful to get through.
I did most of my crying before the D happened and I was back in a 'dating' R with him, a couple of weeks prior to the decree absolute. He even said 'Happy Anniversary' on our 9th anniversary which was just 5 days before D was finalised.
When the papers came, I realised they didn't mean much and I remembered what my marriage coach had told me:
The marriage is NOT the relationship. A D is a piece of paper and it doesn't mean you can't have an R. He told me the old M with it's problems had died and now I could look forward to having a new, much better, more adult M.
His words really helped me when the D happened and of course, because I'm seeing my ex, he was absolutely right!
