Had another meeting with H today, it was positive but I'm unsure how I feel. I think I wanted more time, really, but maybe I'm ungrateful.
He sent me a text message asking to come over at 8.30pm. I said yes (it's snowing here today and so I am hemmed in, all my plans were cancelled and I wanted company but I just text 'ok' and nothing else so he wouldn't know that). He turned up on time and asked me how I am. I told him some of the stuff I've been doing the last couple of days, I told him what our dd got up to. We talked about dd1's reading and how she's doing really well with it.
I made coffees. He asked me if I knew a way of renting DVD's for free. I told him about this �10 a month thing I'd heard of so he said he'd look into it. I asked him what he was upto and he told me. We hugged, he kissed me, said thanks for the coffee and then went home, saying 'See you Saturday' on his way out.
He stayed about an hour and a half. Next time he visits he said he'd fix my computer. I now have his name on the login thing and he has started keeping files here. He liked it and said thank you.
I remembered what 'inmyplace' said about asking him out on a date so I did. Scared the life out of me and I thought I was being too forward but he said yes. He also said I could have dd1 for her birthday on 17th March (on our own) which is great, first year in 3 that he has let me have her. He said we could all go out to dinner on Easter Sunday as well.
The only thing I'm having trouble with is it is still a secret that we are seeing each other. Two of my friends know, but not even the kids know. I've been seeing him nearly 3 months now and wonder how long I'll have to keep it a secret.
I thought of maybe asking if we could tell people by 30 April (my birthday) - what do you reckon? That gives him another couple of months but doesn't drag it on for too long.
Or maybe that's too soon? I don't know. I don't want to pressurize him, which is against DB'ing rules but by then we will have been seeing each other nearly 5 months so I would want people to know. It stresses me not being open about it.
Hi Jo, I must admitt I've read your post a couple of times and been reluctant to say anything, most likely because your situation is so foreign to me. I must say things look good for you right now. Why do you think it bothers you that no-one knows the two of you are seeing each other? Do you feel that his not sharing the information about your Relationship is a reflection of his lack of commitment? Just a guess here. Its great your going out, sharing some quality time.
My opinion about telling folks your together, is that its really more your business than theirs. You sound hesitent about even setting a date, so dont think about it for awhile enjoy the dating, you'll know when the time is right, heck maybe he'll let the world know. Keep in mind my advice maybe lousy, hopefully it will give you something to think about.
Remember time is on your side, so take it slow. Take care.
The reason that I was worried about the 'secret' thing is because I keep feeling suspicious and thinking 'there must be a reason why we have to sneak around and he hasn't told anyone.'
I know he doesn't want to hurt the kids anymore than they already have been, but I am just worried in case he is 'keeping his options open' so to speak. I guess my issue is trust. I love him but haven't fully regained the trust and he hasn't either yet.
Being honest with people is a way of saying we are committed. But I know you're right; it's too early yet to be laying down rules. He usually responds well when I ask him something and I shouldn't be so nervous of the going out on a date, it's just that we haven't really had much time outside my home. He did ask me to buy him an 'all day' breakfast once
Also, because the relatives don't know, I have to lie when they ask about my situation or my life, and I don't like being dishonest. H also said once we've told the kids, he will stop overnight with me and I can stay at his house etc. As long as they are unaware, we have to sneak around and only get two hours here and there.
The thought of having my whole family under one roof excites me so much, I am so impatient! I just want it to happen NOW and wish he hadn't told me that, really.
I need all you people on here to keep me sane and patient. I want to win by not rushing at things, but don't wish to be a doormat either.
After I got in from moms and tots the other day, I found an msn message on my computer from him, saying I couldn't have the kids on tuesday because he was doing something but could I have them Thursday instead? I can't because I'm going to my osteopath for some therapy for a back injury so I'll have to discuss it with him tomorrow. He didn't mention my text on the R, so I think he's okay.
Saw H and dd1 today. Don't know how it went so posting here for opinions. He and dd1 turned up 1 hour EARLY while I was vaccuming carpets. The house was spotless, lol. Said hello to dd1 and H said hello to me. Gave dd1 some books (which were meant for dd2 but she wasn't there), so she read them to Alicia, my 2 year old. That was really sweet. H asked if I'd changed the living room around. I said no. He said it looked different. He told me he was taking the girls to a museum because it was 'Roman Day' there. I said 'That's nice' but was a tad jealous as he didn't invite me too. This is still an improvement on a few months ago when he wouldn't have told me anything about his or their lives. Sometimes though, it is really hard knowing and not being able to join in. He noticed that I wasn't comfortable with it despite me trying to hide it, and said 'What?' I told him I was just contemplating something and asked him if I could watch dd3 do ballet next time they have a parents day. He said yes, so that made me feel slightly better. The text about the 'secret' dating wasn't mentioned, but he seemed a bit more tense than usual and didn't sit next to me like he normally does but that could have been because dd1 was there. I asked him if he was okay. He said yes. He asked me what I'd been upto, I told him I'm going for osteopathic treatment. Then came the tricky bit. We ran a joint business which was started by me and he helped me with it. I was the business woman, he is useless with money etc and he's more into kids and stuff so when he left he took the kids (apart from Alicia), I took the business. Now, today he asked me to EMPLOY him. (Help!!!).
He wants to do web design/dtp etc for my business and have me pay him to do so. Now I've got the money, the money isn't a problem. It's just that after the D and custody battle and everything that happened, and he did some really stupid things with money, I nearly had to close down.
I've still got an outstanding legal matter to clear up which he caused so I just wanted to ask him to shut down the existing website and let me figure out how to do another one.
My feeling is that while I don't know how this R is going to go, I'd rather not involve him in the business, yet the website is registered to him so only he can shut it down. He says he wouldn't do anything stupid and if he is paid, of course he would carry on doing the job even if we split up, but it seems a bit risky to me.
I have been running it independently of him for months and although I am lacking in certain skills at least I am doing it. It is just this site which is the sticking point.
Should I employ him or not? Talk about grey area. He doesn't half present me with some challenges sometimes.
We didn't argue and everything was pleasent and nice and he told me to forward some work to him so he can start on it, but I'm not sure what to do.
I made coffees, he drank his. I said goodbye to the kids (he was taking Alicia for his contact) and he said 'See you Monday'.
