I gave her the letter, I did make a few changes based on the group input, thanks all! Plus there were a few personal touches that I didn’t want to share with the BB, don’t worry positive things. She read it, while a sat next to her, she was a bit ‘mater of fact’ about what I had said. To be honest I was expecting a bit more of a reaction, I’m not sure if her getting angry or loving would have made a difference. After reading It she said that she was mad at herself for not being more proactive about our SL, and isn’t sure why she doesn’t work on it more. I did tell her that this is our problem but until she tries to help figure it out (and let me help) it is her issue. I know I shouldn’t place blame but she needed to know that a great degree of my frustration is in her respose to the problem not just the problem.
She did agree to go to the doctor, I told her that if the doctor says that hypothyroidism isn’t the problem, then we should continue to try to solve the problem, if it isn’t physical that we can go to a MC or whatever it takes. She made an appointment for a week from now with the GP for a physical. I hope she specifically tells the doctor why she is there, and doesn’t just go for a general physical to ‘make me happy’.
Ok, so now what, do I keep pushing for more or just let things go until after she sees the doctor? I want to encourage without letting her off the hook too easy. Suggestions? Time for accolades and romantic actions or wait to see if she follows up...
Speaking for myself I would at the very least let her know that I appreciated the pro-active step she took in getting a Dr. Appt. Validate the fact that she is doing something pro-active. I seem to be using the word "validate" a lot lately, but it sooo seems to fit. Acknowledging is one thing, but validating is quite another...and I think it's more appropriate when it comes to feelings etc.
Now that she's read your letter though I wouldn't hesitate to pose some questions to her and ask her if she'd be willing to talk more in depth of a a few things. But don't push her constantly on it.
It sounds like your wife had a very positive reaction to your letter. That is good.
quote: ------------- Ok, so now what, do I keep pushing for more or just let things go until after she sees the doctor? I want to encourage without letting her off the hook too easy. Suggestions? Time for accolades and romantic actions or wait to see if she follows up... -------------
I would tell her, in a matter-of-fact manner; "Thank you for addressing my concerns in the letter. I love you and I really appreciate it.".
Then give the lady some room to breathe. Treat her normally, kindly.
Remember, you are facing the problem head on. Now she is as well. You will get your turn to sit in the "oh crap" box. Treat her the same way you expect to be treated when your turn comes up :-)
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Quote: Now that she's read your letter though I wouldn't hesitate to pose some questions to her and ask her if she'd be willing to talk more in depth of a a few things.
Sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this....
Quote: It she said that she was mad at herself for not being more proactive about our SL, and isn’t sure why she doesn’t work on it more.
Well, what about starting with a game plan...together. What I had to do with my H, once he realized we really did have a problem and I was serious about it...was set out a strategy of sorts. Things to rule out & cross off the list as possible problems. That at least got the ball rolling towards productive discussions.
She's already agreed to see a Dr., that's great! Let her know you appreciate that, as I've said...but you can always ask her things like. Does she find herself really preoccupied at the end of the day...you know thinking about everything she hasn't finished, or stuff for the following day? If so, it might help if you two had some time to discuss these things...before bed, it might help get those issues off her mind for her to relax.
Something else is...you might ask her if she finds she's just really tired at the end of the day. If so, is there anything you can help with to help her with that....or maybe even does she feel more up for sex in the morning.
I wouldn't suggest asking all of these at once...but maybe as off the cuff kind of "I'm curious" questions. This works for me anyway
Quote: Something else is...you might ask her if she finds she's just really tired at the end of the day. If so, is there anything you can help with to help her with that....or maybe even does she feel more up for sex in the morning.
I don't think this is the issue, I leave the house early during the week to go to work (5:30 AM) and pick up S5 from school in the early afternoon. By the time she gets home from work 6:00, dinner is ready, kid has 'wound down' dog has been walked etc. She usualy watches soem TV or reads before going to sleep.
Ok, then how about trying to initate a conversation about the days events before bedtime? You know something that can help connect the two of you rather than doing separate activities prior to sleeping.
And what about her mood in the am? If you responded to that I missed it sorry
I'm just throwing some stuff out there for you to see if any of it sticks.
