WB, Well here we are. The two perfect spouses of the board.
Too bad the rest of these suckas haven't figured out the secrets of our successes, LOL.
Seriously, I am in your boat and know how you feel. You keep getting the same line "Everything's fine..you are a great husband/wife" but your gut is telling you something different.
I have had success lately in drawing it out of him a little at a time. I couldn't even tell you what my so-called strategy is...I've been winging it and it's working so far. Sorry I have nothing more concrete to offer. My H will talk about our R, and even likes to do it, so long as it's not criticism, so that is a huge plus in my favor. However, he still won't tell me how I can better meet his needs. At times, WB, I wonder if he even knows if he has needs and, if so, what those are.
Perhaps you could think about your own need to "find things out"...can you refine what it is you need to know and only focus on that? Think of a few pressing issues and focus only on those..that way you won't overwhelm her natural tendency towards privacy. Cause, really, I think it's one thing to gravitate towards privacy and it's another to shun intimacy, kwim?
So maybe you could set a timetable for yourself..figure out what is really necessary for you to find out and leave the rest alone.
