Here is the letter that I want to send. Any thoughts on this?
It is time for another letter
We have talked repeatedly about a problem that we are having. I’m not sure what I need to do for you to understand that this is something that we need to address. I am convinced that you don’t understand that there is a problem and that we will not be able to solve it without help. Any time I have tried to bring it up, or make suggestions on what to do about it you are reluctant, or there is no follow up.
I have given up on buying books, they have either gone unread or after you read them none of the suggestions are followed. I threw away the ones we had collected. I hoped that they would help us solve this by working together at things, or at least help understand where the other is coming from. The sex starved marriage book was the best one that I found describing the frustration and resentment that is fostered. I hoped it would help you understand why we need to figure this out but it appears not to.
Valentines Day was particularly frustrating for me. You know I usually like to do something fun for you and buy a good gift. This year I went shopping, and couldn’t bring myself to buy a romantic gift knowing it would lead to more frustration. I don’t know if you remember but the last few years I had bought something fun and romantic along with a book to help us with our relationship. This year, when I saw the crowds at the mall at the lingerie, jewelry, candle, card, and the other ‘romantic stores’ buying things for each other, got depressed and left. I didn’t even buy the card for you until I was driving home on the 14th. I knew this isn’t what you had in mind for Valentines Day.
I think that you might have a hormonal issue. For a while I have been asking you to talk to a doctor about it. Recently I spent the time on the internet trying to find out if this was the case and found the information on hypothyroidism. Let’s face it, I’m not a doctor, and even within the web sites online there is contradicting information. That’s not the point, the point is that I have been trying solve or at least figure out where the problem is coming from. How do you think I feel when you haven’t picked up the phone to talk to a doctor either out of concern for your health, to see if this could be a problem, or at the least so I get some feeling that you are making an effort. There is a good chance that the doctor will tell us that this isn’t a problem and we can look somewhere else. At least then I would get the feeling that you want to do something about it.
You know me, and know that I don’t have any problem talking to people about things and I don’t let things phase me. I can’t remember feeling more pathetic than the other week calling your ob/gyn and having the secretary ask me ‘what’s wrong with your marriage, can’t you talk to your wife about this and have her call?’ I almost hung up.
I don’t know what to do. I could scream and shout or do some grand gesture but what would that accomplish. Maybe that was my mistake, not screaming and yelling about things. I really believe that this isn’t your problem or my problem but is something we need to work on together. What I am upset about is that you don’t want to work on it with me. I can’t figure out why. Do you understand that this is a problem that tears apart marriages? I can’t solve this alone and until you understand how important it is my frustration and resentment will increase. Do yo understand what the problem is? Tell me what to do.
