Quote: What if you were to say to her, "I'd like to hear your thoughts about the letter I wrote you." She will stonewall, and then you can mentally say to yourself, Ok it's Tuesday. I will ask her again on Saturday. Then do that and she will stonewall again. You can make a date to ask her again. She'll get the picture and eventually get mad.
At that point, you can say (calmly and kindly): "Wife, all I've ever wanted is an answer from you when I put my heart on the line. From this day forward, I will keep asking in the hopes that you will answer. It is not my wish to make you mad but I'm no longer willing to pretend that I'm ok with the silence."
HP, I read this just before I went home. I liked it a lot and was planning on doing exactly as you suggested, but alas, it was one of those nights. D19 had skipped her afternoon classes and was in bed with what looks like the flu, and W was in town with the other two D’s waiting for band practice to end. When they got home, W was all wound up about getting the house cleaned up for the Pampered Chef party she’s having on Friday. It just wasn’t a good evening to try to talk.
But I really like your idea. I do plan to use it.
To the rest of you who answered, thank you. W does have FOO issues. Women stuck to women’s things like cooking and cleaning and taking care of kids. Her father was mostly absent and her mother was highly critical. W says that nothing she ever did was good enough to please them. So there’s a lot of baggage there. I just feel that after nearly thirty years, thirty years, she should have learned that she can trust me. I may well have done something in the past that made her decide not to talk to me, but in all honesty, I don’t know what it could have been. And even if I did, I’m a different person than I was even a year ago. I’m committed to making this R better.
