wildebube, Hi. Let me begin by commending your thoughtfulness. Writing notes to your family is an act of love and time, what a precious keepsake. Children especially need to know the unconditional love of their parents and I'm certain your D's recognize the effort as well. That says a lot. Truly.
Quote: So what’s happening here? Does she know that her lack of response drives me crazy? Does she realize that I start questioning everything? That I wonder if I was wrong to write the letter? That I wonder if maybe she just doesn’t care enough to respond? Is this passive/aggressive control?
Do you think that perhaps your W just avoids. You gave so many examples, on different levels, of her avoidance to get, well, personal. Open up and allow someone in. Does she have past baggage (for lack of a better word picture) to which she has built a wall, either unwilling or unable to allow someone in? You mentioned your mother, indicating a good sturdy relationship, what of her and her family, is it as sturdy or is she practicing what she was taught as a child?
It's my (simple-minded) opinion that you really need to determine if she's equipped to reach out and offer the love and partnership you desire or if she's waiting for someone to lovingly help her. Maybe she's grasping in the dark to break down the wall.
My biggest challenge on posting is that I cannot meet you guys, I LOVE to listen, when you listen you hear so much, not just what the words are, but pictures of the lives behind the words. And it takes me a while to read and think and read replies to try to "get" the person - so I apologize if I'm way off base here.
Re-reading my reply I realize it sounds like a bunch of whoey-balowy and you're probably asking, yeah I know this, but do you actually have a suggestion. And to this I say yes, What about - and I'm going wayyyyyy simple here, to settle your mind about how important she takes your notes/letters, etc., Write a short lil' note on a pretty card/stationary inviting her to dinner/brunch, someplace where you guys can chat - can even be your backyard if you think the mood will be right. Someplace you kow she enjoys but that is quiet and kind of romantic. Don't mention it to her unless she asks you about it and just show up at the appointed time. Do you think you could find a place - I'm picturing candles, soft music (hey, I'm a girl okay be it 38, but still a girl) and then discuss the contents of your V-day letter to her. Ask her then her thoughts, etc., in a setting without interruptions of the day, someplace the restraints of her heart might be off-guard.
The posters here are great and I know you'll find something you'll feel comfortable with. Best of luck to you and your family.
