I did forgive her last night. She is just as scared as I am.
Here ya go MT. Might wanna start your own thread, because going back and reviewing advice and progress is alot easier
Quote: I've seen many improvements since I started, and I was wondering what was your W's headspace when you first separated? At the start of your post (Tough Love) she was calling every day, and you had just "gone dark" and she was then calling 15 times a day. When you first separated, was she continuing to call? My W was dead set that she wanted a D, no chance for us. Still now she doesn't want to reconcile, but I haven't brought it up in two weeks, neither has she. Was your sitch seeming hopeless at the start? At separation time was it "trial separation" or wsa she ready for D? I'd love to hear you say "Yeah dude, we were looking bleak!" Because I feel my sitch was bleak, and could use the hope!
She moved to her parents house after our 3rd consuling session and I came clean about talking to XG over the years. She already had kissed OM 3 weeks earlier which I knew about. I came clean out of honesty and spite. I don't think I did that much begging. She had gone to her parents for a few days at a time over the years. Before I would just be a doormat and be nice and she would come back. Not this time. Her fame of mind was "I don't need to be dependant on you anymore and be treated like sh*t". She was still very friendly and we spent almost everynight doing things together, but then she and S5 would go to her parents. She said she was dead set on a Divorce. 1 month in I got the book "Stop your divorce". 2 months is when I started posting and I shold have learned then going dark was working, but I didn't have D Rememdy yet. I got an email after that 15 day call, to stop ignoring her. Ignoring her drove her crazy, it hits you hard when you get ignored. You can do more with silence than any words. In that book it stated that a W doesn't feel like she is losing her husband by getting a divorce because he is so needy and clingy. 1 month into the Separation I got a dissolution propasal from her lawyer, stating sign here or your WAW will file for divorce in 2 weeks. I went to a L and filed first. The day I got those papers I was a mess. I helped her move into her apartment the same day. It was over for her. The book also states that she said "she would love you forever and she has changed her mind" "So she can change it back" It was when i got Divorce Rememdy that things really started turning around. I started to pay attention to what was working and what wasn't. Then the book "Love Must be Tough" got my confidence back to 100%. Going dark is what works for me, your W loves you she is just very hurt and sees you as weak.
She did tell me it was her that had to come to that decesion to reconcile. She said there was nothing I could have done. So it was me enforcing that space and letting her know what divorce really is like. I raised my bar of execelance and expected the same from her. It was very bleak. 3 months in I just woke up one morning and said this is unbelievable, but real.
