W moved back home after being separated 8 months. I filed for D in Aug and dropped it Jan 4th. I know W had an EA, not sure on PA. She denies any PA and I guess I have to accept that I will never know forsure. I struggle with this sometimes. I just wonder if she is lying or if she is telling the truth. It's hard to regain trust in someone who you have caught in so many lies.
Things do continue to get better everyday for W and I. The reconcilation roller coaster is slowing down. I just need to start over and set some goals for the next two weeks.
Note to self "Remember this is a miracle from God" So quit trying to blame anybody or figure out why. We got separated because our M wasn't a priority in either one of our lives....Period
Well looking at the whole picture things are going ok. We have only ML three times since Dec 13th and it is getting very frustrating. She has no desire to ML, but Loves me very much. And the times we did you could tell it was only to appease me and won't hardly ever kiss me. I do believe she does Loves me very much and she has stated that I'm am pressuring her(note to self need to work on that) Detach
One more tough choice I made(just this SAT)- This hasn't been an issue, since I just made this choice. My high school friend(female) that I was starting to spend alot of time with until WAW decided to work on things. Well I've decided that I'm keeping her in my life as my friend. I've told W about my choice and her only reply is "Don't get her pregnant". I really do want her friendship, it helps me be happy.
I told W that I want to be completely honest with her and if she can't handle my friendship that I would terminate it for her.
Your R is really similar to mine - interesting how things work out that way.
My W and I were separated for 2 months - she left in Aug. and came back in Oct. After she got back we started ML again but she was not really into it so we stopped after the first of the year. We have only ML once since. It is really hard - how are you getting through it? Does your W have any trouble showing affection? My W says that she wants it to come naturally again - sex and affection. I think my W is having trouble with it because she was hurt by me and is still having trouble opening up. I was curious to see if you getting any of the same responses that I am getting - thanks.
1. the struggle with the question of was w's ea at any point a pa?
try not to think about it in terms of ea vs pa and just call it an a...much easier that way esp since neither is less painful than the other.
2. Your new/old femal friend... the fact that you are asking your w if it's OK should be an indication to you that it isn't...if it were completely innocent you wouldn't feel the need to ask...but since you did ask here's her answer...
"Don't get her pregnant".
I would certainly read that as it's NOT ok for you to continue the "friendship".
Quote: I told W that I want to be completely honest with her and if she can't handle my friendship that I would terminate it for her.
again I'll say the fact that you wonder if she'll be able to "handle" your friendship with this other woman screams to me that it (the other r) is either on it's way or already is an ea.
Not meaning to come down on you just pointing out the things that spoke to me...tis my way.
That friendship can't continue. After going out and drinking heavily with my friend. My W was p***ed, big fight. Nothing happened, but W is not cool with the idea of having a F friend. It took 2 days of ILU's and sorry's to get out of the weeds. Still haven't ML in awhile
Goals until March 18th
1. W will initiate ML 2. No fights at all 3. W will include one ILU from her work email
Action Plan -
1. Give W her wedding ring back by writing her a message in the snow. 2. Do not bring up ML or sex 3. Clean the house by myself 4. Attend Church on Sunday 5. Attend our marriage class at the church on Weds. night 6. Pursue my own happiness
Akron, congrats! I wish you all the best. My H has been home a week since moving out almost a year ago. It has been a long haul, but worth it.
Please do let the FF go. My FF's husband spends a lot of time with some FFs and she is very hurt by that. Even though nothing is going on (at this time), she feels that she is less important than they are. Her insecurity, I know--but just can't see anything good coming from us having close friends of the opposite sex.
I look forward to following your progress--good luck and best wishes!
I didn't know your H had moved home!!!I know you said it may happen, but WOW! I am soooo happy for you!And you are right you have been through the long haul, but you are so good at this, it worked!! I wish i had found you 6 months ago, maybe my sitch would have worked differently. How do you feel having him around now all the time? I know you two still had a realtionship, has it gotten better since he has moved back in? I don't know if I ever asked, but was there a time at the beginning where there was no contact at all? I appreciate you posting to me on recent events, and since i never got an answer from him, (like Ny & you say-no expectations, please!) I think the next contact should come from him. I am sure he will contact me for tsxes . I plan to give little to no details about my life unless asked, and even then i will try to answer him like he does to me-vague. I don't know what our odds are to reconcile a second time , and we are both different than we were last time. I know I learned so much from all of this (with help from you!) I plan to use that to make better R as friends or possible as married again. But i am sure glad it changed ME. That R was destructive to us BOTH. Don't want that ever again. Still bugs me that he wants no contact and is evasive about is plans. Like I said he is either doing something he doesn not wnat me to know about or has done sometnhing that he knows may hurt me , so he avoids me. Hard to be friends with someone who won't talk to you, eh? So i am trying to remind myself that people want something they can't have, so no mor contact from me first until he does. Have you two done anything special to commemorate the homecoming? Again I am so very happy that you two are back together, as it should be.
Thanks, S! It is kinda scary really. Sometimes I feel myself heading toward that victim thing. Boy that is a hard one to beat, but being aware of it helps me to switch my thinking before I do something I will regret. Last night he stopped at a friend's on his way home from work. He called to let me know, then a couple hours later he called again to say they were working on a car and having a good time telling lies. I told him to have a good time and see him later. Then I start thinking those old thoughts about why doesn't he come home, why am I not the priority in his life, blah, blah, blah. Then he called one last time about an hour later to say he was on his way home and had a great time with friends and did I miss him? I pushed the victim really hard away from me and told him yes I missed him and was glad he was having a good time.
Before I would have went with the victim and not had much to say on the phone--grumpy attitude toward him and pretended I was asleep when he got home. But, that never really got me anywhere did it?! So this time, I'm awake, watching tv, asking him about his night, we are playing with the dog and it's all good! What a difference, but still takes work on my part.
We haven't done anything special yet. I know he doesn't want to make a big deal out of it, but I'm going to ask for a dinner out--no R talk, just enjoy each other's company.
One thing, we haven't put our rings back on yet. He said he will but I haven't seen it. I have a feeling he may have lost it and doesn't want me to know. He once said OW took stuff from him that he didn't know she took--so guess what I'm thinking about the ring! Anyway, I'm not going to accuse, just waiting. I'll probably put mine on and see what happens.
There was a time in the beginning when there wouldn't have been any contact but I kept initiating cuz I was totally freaked out! The longest we went without talking was 3 days. He was really depressed during that time and wasn't really talking to anyone.
So I'm keeping you to your acceptance of the challenge. I still don't believe he has forgotten you exist. I think he is just afraid of the conversations you might get into. My H didn't want to talk a lot and warned me if I was getting into uncomfortable areas.
I still have hope for you, S! And even if it doesn't work out with him, you are going to be great! I look for you on here everyday to see how you are doing. Keep taking care of you!
If anyone can do this it'll be YOu. Any time you feel those feelings, get on here and write to yourself cause you are the best at giving get off the ledge advice! Ah, I remember the early days when it was you, me, crushednj, and lostinFL.I wonder whats become of her, and wonder whats become of Shawn? I know you may not need us here after a while, but please say you'll stop by for a while and let us know how you are, ok? As for me, I still need you - but i am gonna stick to the challenge, should be easy since he is not making any moves towards me, eh? He said last time I saw him, he was trying to plan a day trip to Daytona with the guys from work for this Sat/or Sun. My guess is he is moving this weekend into a rental , but I hope he really gets to go to Daytona (with the guys and not her) cause its something he always wanted to do. Me too (with him)
I'm glad your W is back with you. Keep on keepin' on!
So this time, I'm awake, watching tv, asking him about his night, we are playing with the dog and it's all good! What a difference, but still takes work on my part.