Also, I think there are differences in cases where one spouse has an affair, but covers it up and stays at home with the other spouse, and one where there is an affair, the spouse moves out and wants a D etc.
In the former case, as the spouse still wants the marriage, it is easier to insist on conditions.
When your spouse has moved out and lived with, or at least carried on openely with the OP for months and years, it is probably harder for them to 'come back', 'admit their mistake', and 'give up' the OP and be 'controlled' by 'demands' (not to contact OP) etc etc.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
