Hi Working on it. I do agree with Nevanna. You should stop asking question and tying to trap him. However, and now this may go against the rules of “DB”. But I really do think that you should send the letter and try talking to him about it. There has to be a point where enough is enough. Now do not get me wrong I believe in the principals of DB. But I think that once a couple is recommitted to the marriage there has to be some changes. YOU BOTH have to work at it. Turning a blind eye to something that pains you, is NOT WAY to communicate with your partner. And really lack of communication is what got most of us to here in the first place. There has to be a time when we stop being doormats and start standing up for ourselves. You and your husband are married for the second time. He has to figure out what is more important keeping a friendship with her. Or keeping his wife happy and secure. The choice should be easy. I am sorry if this is harsh. I truly believe, that when a person cheats and then wants to fix their marriage they should be willing to do anything to make it up. Staying in contact with her is just a slap in the face. (Again I am sorry for sounding so harsh, I am not good with the sugar coating thing, something I am working on for my marriage) So my advice, send the letter – I think it is very very well written you did a good job of expressing your self and validating him. But he has to want to get your trust back and he should. This in my opinion is a very strong sign he is sorry for the past. Talk to him, listen to him ( hopefully he will agree with you), give him the opportunity to do the right thing. In the mean while DB your butt off. It is not right for him to stay in contact with her. Sometimes we all have to decide what is important. Pick your battles if you feel strong enough about it stick with it.
