Sam, I just read your thread and was shocked and encouraged and am very happy for you that you have achieved so much over the course of your recovery personally as well as your relationship with your ex.
It is very interesting to see how you have personally grown. Now even though you have a loving relationship with your ex, it seems you have come to a point where you wonder if it is a good thing to continue this. And no one forced you to change like this - you have changed over time b/c of your personal growth, which I found very encouraging.
Although the situation is different, I feel that your H might be quite similar to my STBXH in terms of personalities and behaviors. STBXH also had (might still do, but I do not know) addictions. Also, from what I read, I probably did similar things you did to your ex. I think both STBXH and I were spoiled as well. I would be very interested to hear what you think about my situation.
STBXH had addictions (marijuana and sex), and basically blamed me for his issues, as he felt empty and unhappy with me for a long time. To me, we fought a lot especially in recent years but I did not think we were at a point where we had to D. Like you, I regret a lot of things I did or said to him. I said mean things to him b/c I was upset with him all the time. I made him feel inadequate. I apologized to him about that several times, but he just said he does not want to live like that ever again. He moved out in May 2005, thought would be happy, but is still not happy. He is still seeing a therapist for sex addiction and recently started meditation. He is very angry with me. When he left in May 2005, though, he wrote a letter kind of similar to your ex's that was written in Nov 2001. Now he only calls to talk to our son a few times a week. He does not really seem to care about me anymore. It seems he only cares about money now in terms of our settlement.
Somehow I cannot find my original thread. I would appreciate your feedback on my situation if you have time.
Please continue to post - I think no matter what the outcome is (whether you and your ex get back together or not), your story gives a lot of hope to people like us, b/c you are getting stronger each day, very positive not b/c that is the "right" attitude but you naturally feel positive, and are clearly in control of your life. Thanks for sharing your story.
I accidentally posted on this thread which is my old thread the other day without realizing it. And yes, the the name I used to start this thread is Sam2004 and then I switched to Sam1000 for a short while. Sorry for the confusion.
Thanks Sam, I would love to hear what you think, even though I feel it might be too late and STBXH is gone.
A lot of things you said apply to me. I was spoiled, and wanted a "perfect" family as well. I accomplished a lot in my life, so I was used to "getting" my way and also believed my way was "right", and treated STBXH badly at times b/c he did not see my "point". I was often frustrated b/c STBXH has such a weak willpower and was not accomplishing things as much as I was. He felt that, and did not like to feel like a loser.
Anyway, I would really appreciate if you could give me your feedback. Thanks, and I will visit your new thread under the new name.
