My family and I had to go out of town for a funeral. The funeral was in the city where I used to live and where ex still lives. My family and I had to stay at my grandfather's "vacation" home. He lives many states away and the person who died is related to my other side of the family so my grandfather wasn't there. He just let us all use his home.
It was so sweet--ex left bags and bags of groceries on our doorstep. He included many of my mom's favorite foods and toiletries we might have forgotton. We were too tired to do anything after arriving so it was so nice to find this on our arrival.
While traveling, I mentioned to my mom that ex may have left some food. She gasped, "I got a phone call about that food. We were wondering who left it." She then joked, "Well, he may have just earned some of the brownie points needed to get on my good side again." My aunt said how nice it was and my other grandparents were silent when they heard who left them. I think my grandparents will hold a grudge for awhile--oh well!
I thanked ex many times for his help. He glowed when I thanked him. I let him know that my mom was grateful, and that made him happy.
Once there, ex asked if he could take me to dinner. When I saw H, he looked great. He seemed very sullen and humble but in a good way. He had lost a lot of weight which was a good sign as far as his addiction was concerned. Those pills made us gain weight and when I detoxed, I lost the weight fast.
Conversation was good. H and I both commented how it was like we haven't even been apart and are starting where we left off. I added that I don’t think of it as starting where we left off and that the last two years have been the most meaningful of our relationship in a weird sort of way. He agreed. We know each other so well and speak every single day. Seeing each other was just comfortable and familiar.
I was pushing to spend the night, but H stayed distant. He finally said out loud, "I know you would like to spend the night, but my place is a mess." I said I understand and for him to not worry about it another second.
We sat outside the restaurant and had a good conversation for about 2 hours. It was all relationship talk, and H mostly initiated it.
Once outside, H started the conversation by looking at me and then starting to cry--I think. It is hard to know if a man is crying for sure. At this time, he reached over and held my hand. He then started talking about how you only get the chance in life one, maybe two times to meet someone that you truly love and get along with well enough to have for a spouse. The conversation went along with this kind of talk for awhile. We just discussed how each of us has no desire to be with anyone else. He then said, "I had my one person and wasted it." I took it as he messed things up between us by filing for divorce until he responded, “I didn’t mean it like that.” This made me think that he unconsciously said that he wasted his one chance by marrying me. I know, I know—I am putting to much thought into every single word. What do you guys think he meant by that?
He said a lot of great things. He pretty much told me that if we don’t get back together, he will never be with anyone else. He told my how much he missed me especially when he has the chance to see me.
Also, in the restaurant, he said aloud that he was having a hot flash. This is what happens during mild withdrawals. This along with his weight loss is a good sign as far as his drug addiction. These are signs that he is running out of pills like he says. He was trying to stretch the supply of pills that he has left as long as possible. This is a good sign that he doesn’t have a new doctor.
Even though he said a lot of great things, he was very distant. He leaned away from me when he spoke, and he wasn’t very affectionate at all. I told him that he seemed distant, and he agreed. He said that he just needed to forget about all of his problems and focus on me for the moment, but it was hard to do. He added that he wasn’t all there in the head because of the drug problem still controlling his life. I told him that I understood.
He is very ashamed of his drug problem especially because I am doing so well in recovery. He will hardly even look me in the eye when the subject is mentioned.
He also added that the situation with his brother stealing from him is causing him an enormous amount of stress, and his family will never be the same because of it. He thinks his mom blames him some for the brother stealing because ex was just awful to work with. The drugs make him a raging lunatic and awful to be around. Also, he said his mom probably just probably expects him to look the other way since he has the money to do so. Ex's family meant the world to him and this is just killing him. He says the brother will not return his calls and he fears the brother stole more than he ever imagined. It is just an awful situation. Sad for everyone involved. I think his mother isn't thinking what ex thinks. I just think the situation is very, very painful.
H is so sad. H is extremely humble and I am so proud of the person he is becoming. He talks about wanting to live a Christian life and raise a good family. This is a miracle. Our lives were all about prestige and keeping up with the Jone’s. I would have never imagined our lives to take this sort of path.
For the most part, things went really well. I came home from dinner and gave my leftovers to my grandmother. She even ate my ex’s leftover food and seemed to soften though she never mentioned his name. I think she liked that I came home after dinner. Everything seemed very respectable and proper in front of my family. I told H all of this, and he said good—that was my goal.
When we left I told H that I wanted him to be honest with me about us. This is my worry……… H filed for divorce without ever telling me he was unhappy. I was clueless. He didn’t tell me because he was afraid to confront me and our problems. Could this be a possibility?
Update since I wrote the above info about three days ago....
I have spoken to ex, and I think my worries mentioned above are futile. I think ex means what he is saying. Last night I was a little too clingy during our conversation and ex always backs off when I do this so I need to give him some space.
Last night he was talking about his business and said, "my business--I mean our business." I thought that was neat since I didn't even realize that he said my business until he corrected himself. I guess things are good for me.
