Yesterday went just fine. Ex didn't call, and I didn't go into DTs. I am ready for phase 2 of this ordeal so I can stay strong.
I just realized something as I reread over my threads. I posted on 8/18 that ex's physicians cut off his pain pill supply. The physicians gave him a month's worth of meds and ex said he was hoping to stretch the amount he has and make it last six weeks.
I am going to admit one thing that I should not be doing. I snooped. I only have access to one thing, and I still use it to snoop. Shame on me, I know. I still have access to the business phone bill. I looked at last month's bill and it showed a phone call to a city 1.5 hours from his. The phone number was to a pain management doctor on 8/30. The phone call was to a fax number that lasted 7 minutes. Clearly, he was faxing them his medical records. I don't know if he was successful at getting them or not. If they gave them to him, I HATE THESE GLORIFIED DRUG DEALERS! I know ex is responsible for his own actions, but these physicians have a responsibility to be leaders in our community. There is a reason that you can't get these drugs without a prescription. Ex is 35 and healthy. The pain pills he gets is for a car accident that happened over five years ago. He had no physical injuries whatsoever. They take him on his word that he is in pain. They give him a massive amount of 80mg (the strongest available) oxycontins! These are drugs given to terminally ill cancer patients. This stuff is strong, strong stuff. 10mg oxycontin is equivalent to about 12 vicoden at once. Can you see how potent 80 mg are! Plus these pills are set up on time release. Drug addicts crush them so you get all of the pain pill at once and the time release is deactivated.
He needs so much of this drug to get a high that getting it any other way than from a doctor would be useless. It wouldn't even be possible to find the amount he needed on the street. You can't just take a little. You need the full dose at all times to keep the withdrawals from setting in. Without the doctors giving him the drug, he would not be able to continue with his addition! It just ticks me off to no end.
Plus, ex's doctors cut him off. If this new doctor prescribed him these kinds of meds just from him faxing his records, this is such a crime. Anyone would see that someone switching doctors and traveling 1.5 hours for these kinds of addictive meds is an addict. Surely, they would want to speak to his previous doctor before prescribing a 35 year old man these kinds of meds.
It makes my codependence shoot through the roof just thinking about it. In Alanon, they tell you to not to try to control their addiction. This means do not call the physicians and do not try to stop them from getting the drugs. They have to make the decision to quit on their own. I am the only person ex feels comfortable to confide in, and I can't do anything to jeopordize this. This is life and death and so touch and go. It can exhaust me if I let it. I just need to pray.
Maybe this doctor had the brains not to prescribe them. I need to trust that God will make everything OK and just hang in there. I also need to leave ex alone and give him space. If he is about to detox, he is very, very scared. I can't describe how scary it is. It is a black hole that you think you will never find your way out of. Thanks for listening.
