Nice to hear from you Gabriel. I guess you are right. H is staying focused on me.
My mental state has gotton a lot better. I am busy looking for a job and will be happy when I finally find one. Things look promising.
I am excited about one thing. I found a new place to live. I hate where I live right now. When I first got a divorce, I found the cheapest place I could find hoping I wouldn't be there very long. Obviously, I can't live that way any longer. Who knows how long things can continue like they are with H. Sooo... I found a really nice place to live. I am really excited about it, and it made my PMA shoot through the roof.
I called H to tell him about my new place, and he got upset about the length of the lease I signed. That made me happy:) He then said that it sounds like I am just moving on in my own direction. I told him that I am sorry it sounds that way, but I am just trying to make a good life for myself so he could hopefully follow my lead. He responded positively to that and said he knew that was what my real intentions probably were and added that he was just feeling down for the moment. I added that now I have a decent place so he can come and visit. That made him happy. I never would allow him to visit me in the past because I was so embarrassed of where I live. It is a dump.
I can't wait to move. I wish I didn't have to wait until the end of the month.
I read some of the journals that I had written last week when I was really upset and emotional. Reading those showed me how much my emotions can change day to day. I need to remember that the next time my PMA takes a nose dive.
