You are not being negative, just telling how you feel and thats ok.
I can tell you though that my PMA took a slide this week because I read old emails XW left on her email account. I wasn't snooping, she left the email open on my work computer. I couldn't resist looking, well I just reminded myself of stuff I didn't need to think about. So what I am saying is try to stay away from reading this poison, it just doesn't help us. Because I read some of these emails, I allowed myself to react negatively to a hug I offered and got rejected. I went into a major backslide that was caused by me reading her emails instead of just signing off of the account.
Another point I would like to make is that you have alot going for you! Keep your chin up, it doesn't matter to God that he seems to be more financially secure at this time. I got the short end of the stick in the D, I agreed to everything she wanted, but the Lord has helped me understand that its better to give than receive. (Plus we will not take any money or material things with us when we die)
Sometimes (I won't say I know when) God tests our faith and love for him in ways we don't understand. God wants us to pass these tests, but when we fall short he wants us to depend on him for help. Today I failed badly, I over reacted to XW's attitude, but I have prayed for his forgiveness and I left a message on her cell that I was sorry.
I am reading the book "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren, which has helped me to keep a PMA. Yes, I blew it today because I am human, too many negatives got into my mind (Katrina's storm damage, money issues, XW's negative treatment and reading poison emails). It will pray, read the book and regroup.
Sam, hang in there, if you come to a point you don't know what to do, wait until you know. You have great abilities and character, God put you here for a purpose, you are no accident.
