Yes, I did see my ex-husband, and yes, the visit did go well. Things are so complicated though that I think it is time for me to switch gears. DBing allowed me to show my husband that divorce was not the answer to his problems. I know for sure that he still loves me and that he knows he will never find anyone better. The real monster that he faces is his addiction.
DBing is no longer the answer to my problems. I have been going to Alanon so I can handle this situation better.
When I saw ex-husband, he actually didn't look too bad. I was expecting him to look unhealthy and bloated from the drug use. I know he is still on drugs, but he didn't seem as strung out as I expected him to be.
The first evening was nice and pleasant. He told me that when he saw me he thought I looked great and really pretty, however; he added that when he saw me he simply saw "his wife". He went on about how no one understands him and knows him like I do. Of course I started to cry. It felt like none of the hell between us had ever happened and we were just picking up where we had left off.
The rest of the weekend went well, but I got a little upset when it was time to leave. It is so clear that he is stuck in life because of his addiction and he would keep me waiting forever if I choose to let him.
This is why I have been going to Alanon. It is time for me to cut him off as long as he is not in recovery. My therapist is guiding me in this process too. She has a son in recover and is very involved in Alanon.
He is calling all of the time. I think it is because he enjoyed seeing me, but I also think it is because he knows I am tired of waiting for him to get his act together.
I'll post more later when I have more time. Just wanted to update you guys.
