I know I have dissappeared. Wanted to give everyone a quick update on my situation and get a little advice. I can't even get online now. I am at my sister's again.
This weekend is the weekend I will be in the same town as H. His mother is helping me write an essay for a professional program I am hoping to attend. She is a great writer and always eager to help with things like this.
I have worked really hard at looking good, and I look really, really great. I am so excited. H and I both gained weight because of the drug use, and I have now lost all the weight I had gained. I just can't believe it. I feel so great!
H and I made plans to see each other and things had been really, really great. Of course, the elephant in the closet still exists (drugs). About two weeks ago, H started to tell me about being sick again, not being able to sleep and losing weight as the trip got closer and closer. It was obvious that he was informing me that he had relapsed and was trying to detox again before I saw him. So annoying! Both me and my counselor are both confused on what I should do to not be an enabler. In the past, he would cut me off if I started asking questions. We decided that I take it one day at a time and made plans to just wait until the trip so H could see what he is missing in life. We decided I should put down some tough boundaries after the trip and pretty much cut him off altogether.
H has been telling me constantly that he wants to marry me, I am a the best person he has ever known and that everyone misses me incuding him, our pets and his family.
Things have gotton messed up. Here is the situation.
H called me Sat night. We spoke for about 30 minutes and then the subject came up about which school I would attend. I know you all may say that what happened next was not good DBing but I don't care because I am fed up with this whole situation. He responded that he hoped I would go to the school that is closest to him. What! Close to him is an hour and a half away. Also, school won't start for a year and a half. I have already been separated from him for a year and a half. I am getting old and want children. It is like he doesn't want me, but doesn't want anyone else to have me either. I am sick and tired of living in limbo. I am not going to chose the school so I can simply be close to him.
I told him that what he said bothered me. I added that in a year and a half I expect to be married or nearly married to him or someone else. He shot back that I read to much into everything that he says. He added fine go marry someone else......go marry someone else.......go marry someone else and then he hung up on me. ohhhhhhhhhh!
I think my DBing has shown him that he made a mistake, however; I think it is prolonging his addiction. He hasn't called and apologized either. My trip happens in three days. It has been two nights now. I have thought and thought about it, and I don't think I should call him. He rudely hung up on me. I have read tons of books on what to do with men who keep the women waiting forever, and they say not to call.
I can totally see how I could have avoided this whole situation, but I think it is time for things to come to a head. I just wish it could have happened after he sees me. I almost think he did it on purpose because he doesn't want me to see him. He probably still looks like crap and knows I will know he is still using. He probably still has that bloated drug look (like Elvis who used the same type of drugs as us).
Guys, I think I should stick to my guns. It will also send a clear message that I am running out of patience when I come into town and see his mother but not him. I don't see any other way out of it. Calling him will just make me seem like I want him back whether he is on drugs or not. Also, his mother will see me and inform him of what he is missing. What should I do?
