I can't believe I was just able to log onto this board on my home computer. I saw your message Gabriel and thought I would give it a try, and it worked. I have been trying for weeks to log onto this system. Hopefully, it won't happen again. I haven't had time to post from school. I have been extremely busy which I guess is a good thing.
Things the last month have been going pretty good w/ H in one area. He makes it obvious that he loves me, that he misses me and that he wants me back in his life. Just last night he told me that divorcing me was a huge mistake. He tells me that we will probably get married again and things will be great. He has said this on about three occasions this last month. When we have gotton into two different arguements, he called me the next day and apologized. He has NEVER done that. He didn't even do it when we were married. I have become great at DBing. The better I get at it, the stronger I become. I literally can walk away if I wanted to do so and know that I will live happily ever after without him. Things should be just wonderful shouldn't they?
The huge problem that has arose the past week is H's negative attitude, anger and self-pity party. I truly think he is using again because of these traits that are showing up again. I clearly recognize them because I was the same way. I am working with my counselor who is trying to help me not enable. She says that H needs to hit rock bottom and it is very possible that my having contact with him is keeping him from reaching that point.
I plan to see him the second week in April. It will have been ten months since we have seen each other when we finally do meet. I plan to make the visit as pleasant as possible and be someone that H has to have back in his life. When this very pleasant (and DBing) visit ends, I will put down firm boundaries and walk away from him. I have to do it if there is any chance of his recovery. I am enabling him so badly now. I also need to get to Alanon.
Hope you all can see from the success of my DBing that you all have a chance to get what you want. Don't let my addiction problems get in the way of seeing how much closer DBing brought me to my H. Hope and Gabriel, I became friends with H first and then when he realized I was just being a friend and not trying to "win" him back he couldn't resist me. Keep doing what your doing, get stronger and more patient and things will start to happen.
I will try very hard to keep posting. My computer is making me crazy!!!!
