For now, try to think of her as the mother of your children rather than your W, and this will help you resist the urge to shake her.
Think of your long term goal. It is vital you stay detached if you want her back. I know how painful it is, I have been there (still there in a lot of ways) but think of her living separately as a stop-gap, rather than a be all and end all situation.
Also, a D is not the R, it is just a piece of paper. If the love you have is meant to continue, it will, regardless of any artificially man-made annullment.
People go through phases in R's, and right now she needs space and maybe positive but hands off friendship from you. By being really strong and giving her that, you are showing her the greatest love of all.
Every time you want to say something angry or hurt etc, think to yourself 'is this going to further the R or not?' If it isn't, bite your tongue and say nothing.
