I am so happy this forum was developed. I decided to move to this board in hopes of giving support to and getting support from others in a situation more similar to my own.
This is what has been happening lately. Went without hearing from H for over a week. Didn't attempt to contact him in anyway. The day of my birthday came, and I was terrified he had chosen to ignore it. Well, on my birthday he called, sung happy birthday to me on a phone message and told me I should receive a gift in the mail that day. I received the gift and a sweet card. The first sentence in the card stated that he loves me and he thinks about me constantly! Not calling him did wonders. He then went on to wish me a happy birthday. I called and thanked him for the gift and we had a nice conversation. He seemed so excited to speak to me. It was an excitement I haven't heard in him in a long time. I acted happy, happy on the phone and thanked him for the gift. He then said he didn't know what my plans were for Valentine's but that he wanted to send me flowers at work. I told him I would get in touch with him later to give him my work address. He hinted in the conversation that he wanted me to send him something.
He also called the next night and in the conversation told me how one hour doesn't pass without him thinking about me. He told me things he sees during the day constantly make him cry. He said he saw a really old couple walking and holding hands and how it made him break down. I got a little whiney towards the end of this conversation, and I think it hurt things a little. H closed down a little bit. I won't be doing that again. I have to do business where he lives in April and he asked if that was still going to take place. I told him yes and asked if we could get together. (I should have let him ask). He responded of course. I reminded him that we had made plans to meet up once he got his addiction problems under control. (I still think he is struggling with things). He asked me what time limit he had given, and I reminded him that he had said three months which is exactly when I will be doing business where he is living. I acted anxious to give him more time if he needed it, and he said definitely not and that he wanted to see me at the end of three months. He then quickly added that he is still in the hardest part of recovery but didn't go into details. I plan to see him briefly, look my best, be someone he realized that he can't live without and then put down tough boundaries. This is when I plan to get really tough on the addiction part also if he still is backsliding. I don't want to get tough until he sees me and realizes what he would be missing though. It is so hard to stand back until then though. What do you guys think of this plan?
On Valentine's day I did get together a gift for him. I didn't want to go overboard though and seem like I was pursuing. I bought him a shirt and then included gifts for our cats to make it seem more detached. I made the card out to him and the cats and made it sound like more from a friend. One thing that might have been a mistake is the time I put into wrapping the gift. I love to wrap and make gifts look really nice, and I did just that.
Valentine's day came and this is what happened. On Friday before Valentine's he called at 11:00 pm, and I wasn't at home. I was glad to see that he was sitting at home on a Friday night, and he seemed concerned I wasn't. He told me to call no matter how late it was so he could get my work address for Valentine's day. I got home late and returned his call at 12:15 am, and he had already gone to bed. The next day he called four times. I had to work that day, and called him back that evening. I received beautiful roses at the office on Valentine's. The card said Happy Valentine's Day! I love you. His name.
I spoke to him that evening to thank him. The day before he asked me to call him once I got the flowers because he wanted to know if I liked them (I am not the type to not call and thank someone. I think it is funny that he thought he had to remind me to call him and thank him.) We spoke late that afternoon and thanked each other for the gifts. He then said that he would call me back that later evening. Like an idiot, I called him back first. He answered and said I was going to call you and now you ruined it for me (he was laughing when he said it of course) Boy, I need to be whacked. We spoke some more. He added that when he got the gift from me he started crying because of all the work I put into wrapping it! Did I mess up here guys or do you think his getting teary was a good thing? Am I being too cold or too mushy or neither? Do you think I am being so distanced that he thinks I have given up on him? Tell me what you think after you read the next scenario.
At the end of our conversation, H told me that he would call the next day. Remember what he said when I called him first. Well, the next day, he didn't call. I was ticked, but I did nothing. This is what H did throughout our divorce. He would say he would call and then he wouldn't. I understand fully why he did it during our divorce. I was clingy and whiney then but now I am not. What is up? The day after the day he was suppossed to call, he left a message apologizing for not calling. He left a very nice and mushy message and said he had fallen asleep on the sofa and when awoke it was to late to call me. He then said he would call me that evening and that he loves me very much. The message was very nice, and I was very happy. He didn't call that evening, but I didn't make much of it. I figured something big at work must be taking place. Late, late that evening I sent him an emailing thanking him again for the flowers and telling him how pretty they had gotton. The email was not mushy at all but was sweet. This happened on Wednesday. It is now Sunday, and he hasn't called.
What are your opinions? Any ideas. Do I just continue with my plan to see him in April briefly and then put down boundaries? I cannot go on forever waiting for him. I would wait around for him forever, but I don't think it shows much self respect. I want to have kids, and I am not getting any younger here.
By the way, I cannot post from my home computer. That is why I am not posting as often and am so slow at responding to everyone. When I log in I can't get past the first page without it logging me back out. I have done everything the board says regarding cookies. Any ideas?
