What is it about LD's and their bodies?

[honeypot]

I don't think it is possible to be both.

That's why I strive for Pretty Good Mom and Pretty Good Wife.

Not everyone gets their every wish fulfilled (well, h is pretty close but that's because his wish list is so small, lol) but that's okay. Of course, I'm just like any mom out there..wondering if I am doing enough for my kids, etc.

[CeMar]

Honeypot:

If a women can not be a MOM and LOVER, then why the heck are any of us here? Which relationship is more important? I would even say that to be a good mother, you have to be a good lover. If you do not treat your husbadn well, THE CHILDREN WILL OBVIOUSLY SEE THIS. What the children need to see is LOTS of affection between Mother and father, far more the a very LD women can provide. But what I see is LD women avoid what is tough and go with what is easiest. What is easiest is for them to be MOTHERS. (Now being a mother is nto easy, but being a LOVER is far harder for them). They take the easier road.

Kids are a temporary relationship, but your spouse is forever. If you let the husband/wife relationship deteriorate, it may not be repairabel in the long run.

What is the focus of my wifes life, her kids. I am supposed to take care of my own needs, not her.

[Greeneyedlass]

Cemar,

If a women can not be a MOM and LOVER, then why the heck are any of us here? Which relationship is more important?

Did you really just say this? Do you see how jeuvenile this sounds?

Kids are a temporary relationship, but your spouse is forever

Since when? I believe I understand what you are trying to get at CeMar, but if you have kids in your home that have yet to move out it does no good to view that as a "temporary" relationship. And speaking as a mother...you just made my claws come right out by saying that, as a mom...my relationship with my child is not temporary and I feel fairly secure in saying...your W won't view it that way either! If, and I do say if here, you have ever put it that way to your W all that will accomplish is pissing her off.

CeMar, you are not going to make any progress unless you start trying to relate to your W, try to put yourself in her shoes to understand how she feels and where she's coming from. I don't see you really even attempting this...all I see, hear, read is you making this all about YOU, YOU, YOU. "she should do this because....", "she won't do this!", "she can't do this"

CeMar, You two need a counselor....and pronto!

GEL

[cinemanymph]

Ce,
My H is a grown man and can meet many of his own needs. Those that he needs a partner to meet, I am available to be a partner to him. My children are not grown adults and as parents we are obligated to meet their needs regardless of weather ours are met of or not.

[cinemanymph]

Ce,
There is a pervasive lack of empathy that runs through a majority of your posts. You say yourself that you can't imagine your spouse feeling differently than you feel. Being able to imagine what others are feeling is a skill that is very useful in being able to relate.

[CeMar]

cinemanymph:

I see you are "available" for your husbands use. But what if he wants to feel like he is truly desired? How do you make him feel that you truly want him to take you on the kitchen table for example? And you NEED him NOW!

In other words, why should he desire you if you do not desire him in return?

[InherJourney]

As far as the wife/lover split goes, I knew that I didn't have much desire to ML to my H, and I also knew I was a really good mom. I was hoping my H was valuing all the things I did do and was coming to realize that sex was no longer important. He didn't complain all too much so I figured he was coming around to my way of thinking.

Guys, you can withdraw from the marriage and hope that the emotional abandonment will spark something for your wives( Like my H did, only in our case by the time I awakened, he was full of resentment), or you can persistently make this an issue that is serious and is not magically going to go away. Bringing it up every once in awhile is not going to work.

IHJ

[cinemanymph]

you truly want him to take you on the kitchen table for example? And you NEED him NOW!

I did just that last week and he rebuffed me to watch a DVD! It takes me an incredible amount of energy to move past my considerable baggage and his adolescent view of LM to get in the mood and see LM to a satisfying conclusion. And I don't get that great afterglow that a lot of you describe. LM leaves me with very little energy left to attend to the obligations of family life. That's why I say I don't have the energy to be Super Mom and Super Wife. I can be one or the other.

why should he desire you if you do not desire him in return?

Because we are adults and as adults we sometimes don't get our way when we want it the way we want it. I don't dampen any sexual impulse because he treats me like crap, as a matter of fact I run with it if it does happen hoping that ML may make the situation better. I don't try to make him "pay" for any of the things he has done by cutting him off sexually. I just don't move to action if there is no impulse there. I am not trying to punish my H, I am just as confused as him when it comes to my libido. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I am hot to go, and it fizzles in the middle of things. In the era we are in, my inconsistent libido is considered a dysfunction. No one wants to be dysfunctional, even someone who is having problems with pinning down an evasive libido.