I see your wife did a fantabulous job of getting the subject off your issue and onto her issue!
I don’t think she is deliberately trying to be diversionary or coming up with excuses. These are genuinely her important issues, but it doesn’t make yours any less important.
Here’s the deal. When she starts to bring up her issues, acknowledge that it is something valid that needs to be talked about, but not at the cost of your issues. Don’t get into the nitty-gritty right away. Ask her if she would like to schedule equal time to discuss your issues and her issues. If she wants to go first, fine. But your turn must come, and don’t let her get off the subject.
Ask her where you lie on her list of priorities. Granted she is overwhelmed by the kids and house and chaos, but she has to make a conscious decision to put you on her ‘to-do’ list. For your part, you can ask her what specific things she would like help with, and then hold up your end of it. BUT this must be done simultaneously with her efforts to improve your SL.
Step back and try to keep the first conversation on a bigger picture level. The details can be worked out later.
This worked for us. However, one thing we had going for us is that my H is the normally calm and centered one, and I was (note: getting better) the overwhelmed, screaming one. Obviously, I had a great deal of motivation to learn to HOM when we had the first few tough conversations. If your wife isn’t willing or able to center herself while talking to you, its going to be a lot tougher.
