GEL, I love this idea. We started "confiscating" items that our kids left around the house, and then, on the weekend, would let them buy the items back with their allowance. This really nipped it in the bud, because they treasure their money so much.
But I like your idea, too!
Choc - you gotta get those kids to take responsibility for themselves. Don't release them into the wild unprepared. It's your responsibility as a parent to do this.
I hear what you are saying, its a viscious cycle. I am hoping for the best.
Annette
Ahh, we are back to Square One, Grasshopper. See my previous posts on DW and counselors. She won't go; absolutely HATES opening herself up that way. Says "I don't need someone to remind me of all of my shortcomings."
I think I perhaps need to attack this more from a "how to establish boundaries" angle than a SSM one. Our problems are more organization, disciplining children, and respect & communication than they are sex.
Quote: Ahh, we are back to Square One, Grasshopper. See my previous posts on DW and counselors. She won't go; absolutely HATES opening herself up that way. Says "I don't need someone to remind me of all of my shortcomings."
Fallacious viewpoint. The *goal* isn't so that all your shortcomings get aired out. The goal is to develop solutions to your shortcomings in order to keep your shortcomings from destroying your life and your family.
I know that, MrsNOP, and I've told her that. Even used a self-deprecating analogy of "Now you know why I hated to go to that FINANCIAL counselor I worked with a few years ago, but he did help us!" I tried telling her "look at it as someone to just TALK to; you've said your mother isn't good at that, you don't have a sister, and don't really have any close female friends. Maybe you'll enjoy having someone to talk to!"
Nope.
"Fallacious" implies logic; I can assure you, MrsNOP, there isn't a logical bone in my wife's body. Think "Venusian on steroids."
Quick weigh in on the chores issue. We have biologicals, steps and fosters and several "older" kids like you have. Here is a non-confrontational way to handle chores. Every day a chore list is put out. Any kid can choose any chore. Each chore has a dollar amount and must be done well enough to merit payment. H keeps a spreadsheet of who did what chores for the week and how much $$ is in their "account." Not doing chores while the chore sheet sits undone is not an option. That results in staying in for the night. It isn't a discussion. It is a fact. Our 13, 18 and 21 year olds cheerfully do their chores sometimes. Sometimes they sit home. BTW - keeping one's own room clean is not a payable "chore." Some things are just part of living in a family. It works for us and we are a strange HH.
Sorry for the hijack, buddy!