Quick weigh in on the chores issue. We have biologicals, steps and fosters and several "older" kids like you have. Here is a non-confrontational way to handle chores. Every day a chore list is put out. Any kid can choose any chore. Each chore has a dollar amount and must be done well enough to merit payment. H keeps a spreadsheet of who did what chores for the week and how much $$ is in their "account." Not doing chores while the chore sheet sits undone is not an option. That results in staying in for the night. It isn't a discussion. It is a fact. Our 13, 18 and 21 year olds cheerfully do their chores sometimes. Sometimes they sit home. BTW - keeping one's own room clean is not a payable "chore." Some things are just part of living in a family. It works for us and we are a strange HH.
