My H has said, too many times to count now, how glad he is that we've improved our R. That he didn't realize what had become of us but he's glad that I recognized it and did something about it. He was content with what we had and wasn't aware of how much better it could be...you know how some people say, Oh marriage just gets stale once you get older/once you have kids and that's that. Well, that was his opinion also.
Perhaps your W is one of those people. She is content with how it is and doesn't realize how much better it could be. She doesn't KNOW what she's missing out on, in terms of everything that's inside you..how much more she could get from you and with you if she'd allow this side of you to flourish. So to expect her to get it and want that in a way that is tangible to you is probably not going to happen. She's content with the status quo, although I doubt she would say she's blissfully happy. Contentment has a way of lulling us into mundane acceptance of the not-quite-good-enough, kwim?
Also, I think some people need the "I will fight for you and for this M" dynamic going on to really get them fired up about doing something and taking on a change of this proportion. I know that my H was truly surprised at how deeply and strongly I felt about him and our marriage. He assumed that my feelings matched his...a content acceptance bordering on nonchalance. He was surprised and this feeling stirred up his old feelings; he was able to recapture the old feelings he had for me. Nowadays, as I said, he would not trade this for ANYTHING. He regrets those years we spent not feeling this way about each other.
At this point it doesn't matter who "started" the process and who forced it to continue, only that it is here; it sounds Pollyanna-ish but it's true.
