That is a lovely song, you are quite the poet. You know you can never recapture those times, right? You can never get back to something you had in the past. But you can learn from the past and move on to the future.
It is quite possible that you scared her off. This is a big deal with my husband. He felt that I would always want more , no matter how much he gave. The solution lies in finding a happy middle ground. Finding this middle ground might take some hard negotiating. It turned out that our desired frequency was pretty close – we agreed on once or twice a week. Literally, this means that we will have sex no less than once a week or no more than twice a week. He will initiate no less than once a week, if I lie back and do nothing. I will initiate no more than twice a week, even if I want it more (it helps that I generally don’t). We have both kept our promise to each other and to ourselves. It is really not as clinical or unromantic as it sounds, and, over time, it has led to mutual respect and trust. He trusts that I am not insatiable, and I trust that he will not leave me high and dry (pun unintended, but befitting, eh?)
For my part, sticking to this has required that I work hard on self-soothing through my own feelings of insecurity. Every HD knows what those feelings of insecurity are, and the questions that arise in our heads. Is he only doing this out of duty? Is he really into it? What is he thinking about? Should I withdraw and see how hard he will pursue me? Did he look at porn today? If he really does want this, why did he wait a week? Am I a fool for wanting someone who does not want me? Why does this have to be so complicated? And so on…
These were my thoughts early on in the process, and it was very hard not to let those thoughts filter into the lovemaking. Somewhere along the line, I ‘got it,’ things clicked, and now I rarely have these doubts.
In the beginning, self-restraint also involved not talking about it a lot. For example, telling him “I really enjoyed last night.” He hated that kind of stuff, so I just stopped it. To my surprise, he was the one who started it back up. He will often ask me the next morning if I counted my Os…arrogant bastard! He will make jokes or ask me out of the blue if I am satisfied in bed. This is who my H really is, but he squelched it because of various dynamics in our relationship. I won’t go into that here, because I don’t want to hijack your hijack of Cemar’s thread.
This is the marriage I have always wanted. He is my lover again. I can express my sexuality freely again. It is woven into our life like never before. It almost takes my breath away.
Why waste any more time? Read your PM again. Take Honeypot’s advice, sit your W down and talk about what you should have talked about 4 years ago.
Choc, when you finally get to the other side, you will see the beauty in the process. There is meaning to the battle and the scars. I hope I will have the opportunity to read the song you write then.
He will make jokes or ask me out of the blue if I am satisfied in bed. This is who my H really is, but he squelched it because of various dynamics in our relationship. I won’t go into that here, because I don’t want to hijack your hijack of Cemar’s thread. 
