I don't know why I didn't enforce it. I guess some combination of sympathy (I could see how "unnatural" this had become to her over the years), pride ("Why should I have to BEG for affection from my wife, especially when I do so many things for HER??") and plain old-fashioned chicken$hit-ness. (she gets really loud and insane when we fight)
But of course, I know you're right. That was the time to call her on it, and to keep pushing along. I have this tendency to fight, fight, fight for something... and then give up with a "wtf" mentality and pout.
I went for the POSITIVE reinforcement, but didn't back it up with the TOUGH LOVE boundary enforcement when she slacked off. And now I don't know how to ever get back to that place.
Choc.
Used to Be
August, 2003
Warm springtime Saturdays Spent sweating in the sun Sweet afternoon romance Newlywed fun
The Boss is singin’ Nebraska Thunder’s clapping outside Dark clouds are rolling in But we’re happy inside
That’s how it used to be Oh, it used to be So young and so innocent So wild and so free Didn’t have half as much As we’re trapped by right now But somehow I think that we were rich And I’m wondering how I can get back, Gotta get back To where we used to be.
Years passed and duty called Places we had to be Still sometimes we’d steal away You’d be so tender to me
Somewhere I noticed it changing, It was there behind your eyes I don’t know when it happened, But in the darkness I’d cry
For what used to be Just how it used to be So loving and tender I knew it’s where you wanted to be Hell, we didn’t know anything But one thing we knew Was just you and me Oh baby can I take you back Gotta get us back To where we used to be
So blessed in so many ways, Lord I hate to complain Maybe I’m the one who missed it And caused us this pain Maybe I can I make it right And we’ll be happy again And then I’ll take you back God help me get us back To where we used to be
Where we used to be Baby, we used to be I would give anything To be that young and that free Can’t think of anything I’ve surrounded myself with Can’t think of anything That I wouldn’t give
To find that used to be That precious used to be Please don’t turn away from me Come back to that used to be.
