Yes, my wife is totally aware of the pain her distance has caused me. We have cried over it, prayed about it, and I've poured my heart out to her on more than one occasion. The most recent was four years ago, when I told her I would rather get a separation than continue to live in a sexless marriage. Like others' experiences on this board, that threat of leaving was the catalyst for some real heartfelt change in her, but they were short-lived (less than two months) and soon the old, LD wife reappeared.
I have also poured my very soul and innermost self out to her in long e-mails and IM exchanges over the years. So while I KNOW this isn't easy for her (and this Board has really helped me to empathize with the LDW mindset), she CAN'T write it off to "Oh my gosh, I never knew!"
She knows.
Choc.
Choc.
This is such a heartfelt post and something in it makes me want to reach out to you. You say that your wife at one point made some heartfelt changes, but reverted back to being LD. I would guess that she was LD all along, and reverted back to not trying anymore. That being said – what was the reason she stopped trying?
Did she slip back into old behaviors because she got more comfortable and forgot about the changes she was trying to make? Or did she hope that the issue would go away? If that is the case, it is your responsibility to keep the issue in the forefront. Or to redraw a boundary.
Was it because she was resentful that there were issues of hers not being addressed in return?
Was it because, having given it her best, you let her know that it wasn’t enough or that you didn’t want what she had to offer?
Sure, she feels pressure. Only she can rise above the pressure. However, something has to motivate her to rise above the pressure, and there must be clues to her motivations in the conversations you have had over the years.
