Only you know what you can live with-- or without. It goes without saying that this is not a decision to be made lightly...
When my BF was drinking, I went to alanon. There were people there who had been married to active alcoholics for 10, 20, 30 years. I KNEW that was something I could not do. I was with him for two years and I had enough. I said, "I will not be under the same roof with you and any alcohol. If you want to drink, so be it, but I will not be there." That was a boundary. He still had the choice to drink, IF that was more important to him than having me around. He did stop drinking and next month it will be a year since he stopped. (We did share a bottle of sake at a sushi restaurant on my birthday a few months ago. )
Some spouses don't pull their weight financially or in the areas of child care, house maintenance, and other shared responsibility zones. For one person, any one of these areas might be a deal-breaker. Each person has to decide what the deal-breaker is.
There has been talk of this kind of boundary setting, e.g., "I will not live forever in a sexless marriage. You don't have to have sex, or agree to work on the problem, but I cannot continue to commit to being with you if that is the case." You're telling them to put working on the R higher up on the list than their own discomfort/fear/embarrassment/laziness/anger/resistance.
For some the lack of sex or minimal sex isn't a deal-breaker, or hasn't been up to this time. In fact, I'd say that is the case with everyone on this board who is still partnered but isn't having as much/the kind of sex [as] they want. It's certainly where I am at the moment.
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