I understand that you feel she could have just asked...but often (from the other side of the fence) that doesn't make you feel very loved. It's someone telling you from their heart, on their own, that does.
I know you dread having conversations like this...but stuff like this truly needs to be done in person most of the time. Letters are a great beginning, but do not rely on them. It sounds to me like you probably need to learn to express yourself in other ways as well...it's a stretch, and it's uncomfortable to do, but probably necessary. I think the rewards will be worth the effort.
