======= [[Or actively, consistently pursue solutions making every effort to convey to your spouse the high degree of importance involved. That means pushing through the anger and/or depression you feel and accepting the likely possibility that continuing to bring up the issue is going to make things unpleasant for a time. It doesn't mean tentively bringing it up, everyone blowing up in anger, squelching it all back down again for a few weeks/months while it leaks out in a myriad of ways into the marriage, and then exploding in anger or resentment again a few weeks/months down the road.]]
Wow that pretty much nailed it for me...that vicious cycle is what we’ve gone through for years. Although we don’t really blow up anymore. It’s actually the thing I hate the most, the hopelessness of the cycle you know isn’t going to change but you do just in case this time it does. Einstein’s line about insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results comes to mind.
====== [[It means letting the spouse know that this issue is not going to go away. That you want and need them to work with you on it. Their continued refusal to even acknowledge that the *marriage* has a problem much less a lackluster attempt to work at it will destroy the relationship. Done with firmness. With gentleness. Without anger and resentment (as much as humanly possible). But with steely resolve. Even if it is saying "Okay, I have the problem. But that problem is expressing itself in our relationship. I have set up an appointment with a counselor (or pastor or grandma or other person/couple that you know has a good grasp on marriage) and I am asking you to help me work on my problem."]]
I’m going to re-read this one a few times…I’ve started this discussion with her so many times that I am honestly at a loss on how to do it with out being negative, angry and resentful.
The Einstein line made me think of another line that seems uncomfortably applicable.
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison
