What is it about LD's and their bodies?

[MJontheMend]

Are some of our spouses unmitigated turds who are selfishly, callously choosing to exercise control over us?

Okay, I'm coming out of lurk-mode to weigh in on the "control" issue. I was talking to my second youngest sister the other day. She is the LD in her relationship. I spoke with her more frankly about my sich than I have in the past. I asked her if she had ever been the HD in an relationship. Her reply was "No. Sex has always been my control issue.".


Now, my sister is a nice person who loves me, has never read any books like SSM, doesn't feel like the difference in sex drive in her marriage is a problem and has nothing to gain/lose by simply expressing her feelings on the matter honestly to me. So, I guess I'm thinking that it's not as simple as either (A)your spouse is completely selfish and callous and using sex for control or (B) your spouse is as helpless in the face of your drive differences as you. Like my sister, your spouse may acknowledge on some level that they use sex for "control" but may simply think that this is an acceptable or not so bad a way to function in a marriage.

I always wondered why this sister who is quite demanding and not any more conventionally attractive than me always had slavishly devoted boyfriends and now husband. The interesting thing is she was always the one to end the relationship with her boyfriends because she became repulsed by the slavish devotion. When I asked her what her reaction would have been if one of these boyfriends had taken a strong stand and said "F*ck this, I'm not putting up with this" and left her, she said she would have been kind of attracted again but it would have just been due to competition not HD.

She also said that if her H directly indicated that frequency was an issue, she would work on it because she loves him and is committed to the relationship and their 3 children. I feel like it's a good thing that I talked to her about this issue because I told her that maybe she ought to take her H's joking comments about their sex life( She said he did things like quoting sexual frequency statistics from Men's Health magazine to her)more seriously and stop using the excuse that they still have a kid in bed with them.