Sounds familiar HDsocal. You might start out doing these things because you want to, because they come from the heart but as you continue to treat the LD in a positive and romantic manner you notice that your needs are not being meet. In fact I’ve found that over time there developed an inverse relationship. The more romantic I became (and this includes the many times where I was doing it simply to express my love) the less frequent our LM became. So you start asking yourself what did I do wrong, am I that repulsive etc and you start focusing on “doing” so you can get. I’m guessing this comes across as manipulative to the spouse and they further shut down. I don’t know what the answer is, but I’ve run into that wall many times myself.
