There were multiple reasons that I know of that she thought the relationship was doomed (and probably more that I don't know yet). From what we have discussed, a very large part of it was that she was just flat our unsure of herself and on top of that had unrealistic expectations of marriage. She also had a hard time showing and receiving affection, in part because an uncle molested her when she was a child and she was unwilling/unable to deal with it. She has been working on all of these issues with her C for some time before she contacted me, and continues to see the C every week. Another item that I already had a good idea about was a fear of losing control. She was never able to tell me why she thought I was controlling while we were together, but she was able to explain it to me now and tell me that she put me in a terrible position on multiple occasions. She had a very bad habbit of turning to alcohol when angry or stressed, and when it became late in the night and I was ready to go home, she wasn't and really resented my trying to get her to go home before hurting herself. I knew then and I know now that my actions caused resentment but I really didn't know what else to do. I really had no way to have a positive outcome and she realized this some time ago. As it turns out, it is more why and how she was drinking than the fact that she was drinking. She has learned of other ways to cope with her stress through C. The last major reason that I am aware of that she felt the R was a problem is that her former best friend really tried to sabotage the R. It wasn't this friend looking out for her, it was this friend actively trying to sabotage the M. I also realize that if the situations above weren't happening and my X had more self-confidence, this so-called friend would not have succeeded.
Finally, I have seen positive signs from all of the issues, with one of the top ones that she is seeing the C and actually working on problems. Plus, the "friend" is out of the picture. All of the rest of her friends and her family are supportive of her and are supportive of her decision to attempt to reconcile with me.
