I'm sorry you still are having trouble. I recognize the behavior you describe in your husband, the yelling and especially the pettiness. I recognize the behavior in both me and my W. It has abated quite a bit over the past 2 years as other things have improved.
Both W and I yell at our kids. Sometimes they deserve it, sometimes they are just too much for us. I'm sure that your H and Ukki crossed the line, but I believe a certain amount of raised voices is unavoidable in the real world.
