Thanks for asking, I'm doing ok.

I'm not sure about 'shaking things up' though...I'd love to find a way to keep them calm.

This afternoon, I decided to go to the library, and asked who would like to come along. Of course the kids wanted to come, and I asked H if he would like to come along. He didn't answer.

A short while later, he gave me some money and asked me to buy a lottery ticket for him. I asked wasn't he coming, he mumbled, I pleasantly asked again, pointed out it would be nice for us all to go together, and a change of scenery for an hr or so for him. He did come.

We piled into the car, H complained that I didn't get all the snow off my feet. I grumbled a little, so he came around my side of the car, asked me to get out, shook out the mat. I tried to keep from laughing as I got back in the car.

The trip went ok...I was feeling good that I had insisted he came. We came home, he dropped my off in front of the house before driving the car into the car port. The kids came bounding in a few minutes later, all happy, D9 pulled the door closed behind her.

H yelled at her through the closed door to come outside - then yelled at her for 'slamming the door in his face'...came in and started loudly complaining to the kids about a bunch of other stuff (don't really remember what). I asked him to tone his voice down, he said 'I don't intervene when you're disciplining the kids!' I dropped it, tried to help get the kids calmed down.

I heard H upstairs saying to D9 'Have you noticed, I haven't yelled at you about your room lately, but that they were disgusting (which was true! ) so you should clean it so that I don't yell.'

It took a lot after all this for me to keep my cool and not engage... He tried to start another argument later with me about changing the bed.

It really feels right now like any time I try to be pleasant around H, he goes out of his way to be miserable. He has walked around the house all day with his head between his shoulders, making a big point of avoiding me, it would be comical, if this wasn't supposed to be my M.

I don't know where to start. I can continue being pleasant, and he gets upset. Perhaps, eventually, he'll come around, if I manage to HOM long enough.

This is wearing on the kids as well. I see S4b developing several 'nervous' habits...D7 has been miserable - throwing tantrums daily the past week or so. I'm on edge, and I know that H is miserable.

I can drop the anger and resentment (though I hate seeing the kids so upset!!!!!) but it doesn't help at all if he's still got a brick wall up.

I'm getting tired of banging my head against that wall.